Thoughts on life, leadership and the movement called the church by Brian C. Hughes, Senior Pastor

by Brian C. Hughes, Senior Pastor

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Becoming the girl of his dreams

By Dennis Green...

More thoughts from today’s message – Becoming the girl of his dreams!

We looked at the Apostle Paul’s teaching this morning and we unpacked some verses from the book of Ephesians. In chapter 5, Paul is very clear in his instruction for how husbands and wives are to treat one another. Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands.

Does that mean that wives don’t need respect or that husbands don’t need love?

No. What these verses are helping us understand is that the these are the primary ways we each need to receive love from our spouse. We know from last week that when you peel love down to its most basic form, women really want to be cherished. That’s how they best receive what we are trying to tell them.

For men, Paul is telling his readers that men don’t receive love the same way as women. God made men to be at their best when they can receive love through being respected.
What does respecting your husband look like? If you have never given this idea any thought before, that is a very fair question. How do you do it? How do you know if you are doing it well?
In church this morning, we talked about three primary ways men receive respect from their wife:

Acceptance; Affection; Affirmation

Obviously, there is a lot more to it. There are several books I highly recommend that will help you with understanding and with application.

Dr. Laura Schlesinger wrote a book called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. I believe it is a must read for every wife or fiancé.

Dr. Emerson Eggerich wrote a book called “Love and Respect”. I believe it is a must read for every married couple for engaged couple.

These two books provide a great starting place. Our staff has many more books and resources we can recommend, depending on your particular area of interest and need. We are happy to help.

Below is a list I borrowed from Try some of these suggestions and just watch your husband swell up. If this kind of thing is new to you, HOLD ON! You want believe the difference it will make in your spouse and in your marriage.
Good luck!

10 Things Husbands Want to Hear from their Wives

Mark Twain once commented, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I agree. There is nothing like specific and detailed praise and validation to energize a marriage. After some research here at Family First, we found the 10 things husbands want to hear most from their wives. And if we missed one, please post your idea in the comments section below.

1. “I love being your wife.”
As simple as it sounds, husbands want to know that their wives are content in their marriage, and truly enjoy just being with them. When is the last time you thanked your husband for marrying you? Don’t just assume he knows. Tell him!

2. “You’re an outstanding father.”
Deep in the heart of every man is the desire to be seen as a hero—especially to his children. Specifically tell your husband why he is your kids’ hero. And, tonight at dinner, tell your children why he is so special.

3. “I’m really attracted to you. You are the man!”
It’s a myth that women are always more looks-conscious than men. As guys’ hairlines begin to recede and stomachs start protruding, they can become quite sensitive about their appearance. Never joke about how your husband looks. Tell him he’s “hot” and how attracted you are to him.

4. “I really respect the decision you made.”
When a man makes a decision, especially a tough one, he doesn’t want his wife being critical of it or questioning him about it. He wants to know that his wife is behind him and admires his ability to make good decisions.

5. “I know how important it is to live within our means. I’m with you on this.”
Your husband is concerned about the future of your family. So that means he is concerned about taking care of his family financially. Having a wife he can rely on to spend and save wisely is a tremendous comfort to him.

6. “I’m so grateful for your spiritual leadership.”
All of us are hardwired for a relationship with God, and many men want to be seen as the spiritual caretakers of their families. Encourage your husband in his faith and for taking his role as a spiritual leader seriously.

7. “You are so wise.”
Many men are born problem solvers and relish the process of thinking through something and arriving at a solution. This, incidentally, is why your husband is always trying to “fix” your problems when all you want him to do is listen. Recognizing your husband’s mental prowess and complimenting him on his intelligence will pay massive dividends to you. Emphasize to him that you trust his wise judgment.

8. “I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family.”
There are many things in life that your husband cannot control, but one he can control is effort. It brings him great pleasure to work hard and see the results. To directly control, and be the man responsible for creating something from nothing thrills him. Encourage his great work ethic.

9. “Thank you very much for helping me with that.”
When a man serves his wife, he wants her to recognize it. A simple “thank you” is all he needs.

10. “I’m impressed with how you handled that situation.”
Sometimes a wife will point out when her husband does not handle something well. So when he handles a particularly difficult situation well, let him know.

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