I strongly encourage couples (dating, engaged, newly married and married for decades) to talk about these things. Here are some questions that will help you.
Accounting: Ask each other (and do NOT react to the answer by trying to argue): Do you feel like I am able to forgive you for things that you had done or said that hurt me? Do you feel like I am able to move on, put those things in the past, and not continue to bring them up? If this is an issue for either of you, talk about how you can help each other. Be vulnerable. Pray together about this.
Belief: Do you feel that I have a critical spirit towards you? Do you feel like I nag you and am on your case a lot? For your reflection: Decide which hills you are willing to die on. Which are the really serious things that you're willing to fight for? There should be very few. Like 3 or less. "I can't live with your clothes on the floor" "I need you to be on time - I hate being late" or "please don't let the dog in the house" Whatever those critical things are, get them on the table. (I'll talk tomorrow about love is 'not self-seeking' that will help each of you with this).
Options: You should NEVER use divorce as a tool in arguments. Talk about this and agree together to limit your options to only the ones that lead to a GREAT, VIBRANT and THRIVING marriage. Whatever it takes to get there is an option to consider. Throw divorce out the window. **
There is so much more to say. I want to point out a few others, which I will do in a few posts this week.
**I am not suggesting that someone should remain in an abusive situation. There are circumstances which would warrant someone moving out. What I'm talking about here is two people who want their marriage to be great, but use the threat of divorce as a manipulation tool. If both of you take that option and that language off the table, you can get to productive options.
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