A little...blah

When I was in sales (20 years ago) one of the lessons I learned that has served me well is this principal: Business is always good. Always. You might have not had a sale in 2 months, but if someone asks, business is always good. You don't have to fabricate data or lie about your production. But business is always good. why? Because no one wants to buy from a salesperson who is on his way out, can't sell his product, or is just miserable. They want to do business with someone who believes in their product and sells it like crazy. Business is always good.

Along the way, though, I learned to undergird that attitude with truth. You can still believe in your product while admitting it's a tough season.

Pastors of churches like PCC, as authentic as we can be, often hide behind the notion that 'business is good.' The last vestige of mask-wearing for innovative church pastors involves 2 areas: marriage and the blues. We can admit to struggling with temptation, sin, parent issues, being flawed, etc. But these 2 things...well, we just don't want to talk about them.

So, I thought I'd venture out a little and say, "business is still good, but I'm kind of struggling anyway."

You see, creative types tend to move in 'seasons' where everything is good sometimes and everything not at others. It's not really grounded in circumstances or even reality. Sometimes, everything is a disaster, but I feel great. Other times circumstances can be incredible, but I feel...blah.*

This is one of those seasons. I'm a little overwhelmed...a little tired...a little unsure of some decisions that need to be made...a little lacking in direction. As I described it to a friend, I feel a little unsteady. It's not a long term thing and I don't need a thousand pieces of advice about how "the sun coming out tomorrow" and "just whistle while I work". It's a short season and you just have to work your way through it. I'm not miserable. Nothing is particularly wrong. I'm just a little...blah. It's ok. Even the pastor can go through these times. (Yes, men have these seasons, too. They just don't know how to talk about them. Hopefully, someone reading this will feel inspired to share a little about what they're going through with a spouse or friend.) There is no shame in it. It's just part of life.

And, just to be sure we're clear, business is still very good!

*having struggled with depression in the past, I'm always aware that it can happen again. I'm quick to intervene if I see some red flags and have friends and family that serve as an 'early warning system', too. There is a difference between being 'blah' and being depressed, though one can lead to the other. Pastors who struggle with this should read Wayne Cordeiro's Leading on Empty.

A Pastor's Tough Call

I've spent a lot of time in the past few weeks with a very good friend of mine, who is the pastor of another church. Like me, he's a church planter and we share the same heartbeat: to help every person come to know who Jesus is and help them know how great church life can be.

But church life is not always great. Especially for the Senior Pastor.

No time is that more true than when he must make controversial decisions regarding the staff and leadership of the church. I have been there several times. I have had to let go of staff members for poor performance, bad behavior, and - once or twice - because their job simply grew beyond their ability to do it. I've had to lay people off because giving was poor and we just didn't have the money to keep them. I've had to cut full-time folks to part-time status for the same reason.

At PCC, our Steering Team - which is like an Elder team - is always involved in these decisions, coaching and advising me. Occasionally, other staff members help, too, if they are the manager of someone else. Sometimes, they are the ones who carry the decision out. I know it weighs on others, too. But it always weighs on the Senior or Lead Pastor, regardless of who has the exit interview.

Some argue that letting a staff member go is not Christ-like. With all due respect, a person who says such a thing simply doesn't know much about the job we do or the calling we have. Let me explain.

We are pastors, leaders, communicators. And, we are also stewards. We are entrusted the allocation of resources - time, energy, and yes, personnel.* These resources are scarce. Further, I take Matthew 25:14-30 very seriously. I consider it a mandate to me as a Christ follower and a church leader. We must be responsible with whatever - and whomever - is entrusted to us. Sometimes that means we have to make a change.

For my friend and colleague, this is a new experience. The sleepless nights, the agony, the second-guessing. Then there are the people who can be so brutal in their judgment and so mean in their tone. I've been there. I've taken those calls, gotten those emails, had those meetings, and watched attendance decline. I know the feeling of coming home feeling so beat up...wondering why I continue to torture myself...crying out to God for some kind of relief.

Which is where we actually find the solution. Slowly, a new day dawns. We get up every day and gruel our way through the difficult season, and then we wake up and find.......Church is fun again. I enjoy coming in. I can't wait for Sunday. I'm EXCITED because I know God is up to something NEW! People are coming to know Jesus and lives are being transformed and marriages are being made and restored and a sense of life and joy and energy and passion and vision has returned - to the church and to my soul!

It will happen. But you have to work through the valley.

Pastor, make the tough call you've been avoiding. Most of us let it linger far too long (me included). And we end up stalled and stuck and leading our church to no-man's land. Pull the trigger. I know it's hard. Yes, there is a price you'll pay. But you can't stay where you are. Move into the valley so that you can journey towards new life again.

I'm praying today for the pastors I know making difficult choices and facing a certain burden which very few understand. But I do. And God does, too.

*NOTE: Yes, others are involved with that stewardship. But in a church like the one I lead, the buck stops with the Senior Pastor. He will carry a disproportionate share of decision-making burden, and he will get the brunt of the disgruntled church-member feedback.

A Valuable Speaking Lesson

This post could be slightly gross. Not trying to make anyone nauseous, but I learned a valuable lesson Sunday. I've been speaking publicly now for over ten years, I never learned this. Guess it's one of those lessons they don't teach in class and you just kind of have to find out the hard way. If you were in the first service Sunday, you got to experience the consequences! I thought it might be valuable to a few folks.

When I walked out onto the stage, my voice was strong. I had many years of training in projection, diction, etc., so I know how to make my voice get where it needs to go. But a couple of minutes into the message, while I was talking, I swallowed - which we all do naturally from time to time, even when we're not drinking anything. In this case, not all of it (the saliva - just to be explicit) went down the right tube. A miniscule drop of spit got slightly hung up. No big deal. In any normal setting, I would have just swallowed again, cleared my throat and it would have been fine. But I was in the middle of speaking and I thought, "well, you don't want to seem rude or gross anyone out by hocking up right here on stage. Just let it work itself out."

It didn't.

The more I talked, the worse it got. It was like putting a lid on my voice and screwing it tighter and tighter. The longer I talked, the more faint my voice was...every minute it was harder and harder to talk. Of course, at some point, I decided that I had to clear my throat, but by that time it was too far gone. Two different people brought bottles of water to the stage, and - THANKFULLY - there was a video in the middle of my message. I took the opportunity to suck down all the water I could and hack up all the junk I could and regain some composure.

I don't get distracted by much, but this really threw me. It was hard to focus on the message - I was so worried I would lose my voice altogether.

So, it was a lesson well learned. You could say it was a tough pill to swallow :-) Next time, I'll just clear my throat!