A few more thoughts on friends...

I talked on Sunday about friends - REAL friends - the kind who love you no matter what, tell you the truth about yourself, and point you towards God. (see Prov 17:17, Prov 27:17, Ecc 4:9-12, just to get you started)

The question is: HOW do you find a friend like that?

I find the path towards this kind of friendship to be a combination of invitation, awareness and intentionality, all spiraling together in a cycle that takes my friendships to deeper levels. It happens like this: I'm aware of who is around me, make intentional investment in someone as a way of investigating (more on that below), invitation to that person to "hold me accountable" "push me on this" "ask me the hard questions" etc. Now, this is a cliff notes version of this process, but it does happen like that.

During the awareness stage, I'll be in some setting with people having more than a casual conversation and I'll think, "I really like hanging out with Bob." (I know this does not sound very macho, but it happens to all of us. We just don't always name it. I'm arguing that you SHOULD name it). Sometimes after being with some other couples, Susan and I will say, "you know, it would be fun to get to know Bob and Kathy a little more." This is an awareness statement. (for more on the kind of people you want to be around, you might check out the little book "How Full Is Your Bucket" by Tom Rath)

Once you are aware, you make an intentional investment. Ask Bob to have lunch. Invite the couple over for dinner. Play a round of golf. This sounds like a no-brainer, but most people do it accidentally. I'm talking about doing it as an intentional part of your search for a friend. If this sounds creepy to you, get over it. How's the friend search been going so far? Try something new and you might get better results. During your time together, talk about Bob's background and yours. Just as a way of getting to know each other. Again, guys especially will think, "yea, this sounds like of girly to me" But I know lots of guys - especially pastors - who are friendless. This matters. Do it.

Finally, you start to make some invitations. As your friendship goes deeper, your invitations get more serious and more intrusive (in a positive way). Recently a friend asked me repeatedly, "Just hold me accountable on this." What he was doing was inviting me to not let him back off of an important thing he needed to do. You can do this, too. Start small. "Bob, you know we've been talking about the fact that I haven't taken Margie out on a date for 3 months. I know it's important to her, but I always have other things to do. I wonder if you'd be willing to just ask me every time we talk, 'have you taken Margie out yet'. Just knowing that I've got someone holding me accountable will help me do what I KNOW I need to do." Bob will probably say yes, because it's a low level commitment on his part. And you'll probably make the date happen next week. So your marriage benefits while your more healthy because of your friendship.

Now, two final notes:

1) You cannot own someone else's problems or be responsible for their life - I don't care how close the friendship is. I tell my friends that I'm with them, that I hurt when they hurt, that I'll do anything I can to help. I mean every one of those things. But at the end of the day, Bob gets to make his own choices. I can't MAKE him do anything.

2) Friends make lousy counselors. We're biased. We want to take someone's head off for hurting our friend. We want to act on their behalf. We're too close. If your friend is messed up (and I have been and some of my friends have been), send them to a good counselor. You will still be their friend. But the'll have a counselor, too.

I think I could talk about this for hours. But I'll stop here. Hope it helps.

Great Surprises and God Moments

We had a weekend to remember around PCC - a truly historic weekend. It was fascinating to see how God worked through our people and some very unusual circumstances. Just a quick overview.

We were gearing up for our Saturday evening service when a terrible storm came across our Powhatan location at about 5 o'clock. I was standing in the Atrium watching the swirling rain when all 4 doors blew open. They were literally sucked out! I was concerned about a tornado at that point. Cars started to pour into the parking lot because (we later learned) one of our huge oaks had fallen into the road, completely blocking route 60. Folks traveling down the road had nowhere to go except PCC. We had an opportunity to show them good hospitality and care. We invited them to come in, out of the storm, and have some coffee, comfort and conversation. I was so proud of our people, who just loved on these folks who weren't trying to come to church but were just looking for a safe place to land for a while.

Of course, with the power out, we couldn't have a normal service. We had no air conditioner, no lights, and we couldn't flush the toilets!

Sometime that evening, I called Dennis Green, who was on his way back to Richmond from northern Virginia. He had GRADUATED from seminary on Saturday.

I guess he thought I was calling to congratulate him, which I did, just before telling him we'd have no DVD for our Westchester campus and the he or Sammy would need to download the message, stay up all night so they could know it really well, and deliver it at WC the next morning! Dennis returned the bad-news favor by telling me that so much rain would make a literal mess of parking cars in the field at the baptism and we might have to shuttle 300-400 people from somewhere up the hill.

When we finally get power back at Powhatan, we learned the lightening had fried part of our lighting system in the big room.

Oh yea...and MORE storms were forecast to come at 4pm Sunday - the exact moment of our baptism!

The bad news was stacking up. But underneath it all was something...Divine. God was reminding us that the great things that happen aren't about how good we are, but about how GREAT HE IS! Our job is to follow, and this is one weekend where I think we did that well. Here's what happened...

Saturday evening, Beth and her team ditched our normal service and quickly developed Plan B - a completely unplugged service...in the Atrium. No lights. Not mics. No hype. Just us, unfiltered, unprojected, unassisted by technology.

And it was very good! I said a few words - 5 minutes of something uninspiring, to be honest, and we thanked God for His power when we had none of our own. We prayed for the people about to be baptized and something mysterious and mighty happened. It's hard to explain, but it was a genuine moment for PCC. Some of our stranded traveler friends stayed and some said they loved our church, felt welcomed, and would come back.

Beth was on a roll with good ideas, too. Earlier in the week, Sammy Frame introduced to us the notion of being live one Sunday (just to do something different) at Westchester AND Powhatan, driving back and forth, instead of being on video at Westchester. (For the record, I thought was a very good idea for sometime down the road. I had no idea we'd be doing it a few days later. That's how God works!) I asked Beth for her opinion about the message for Westchester. We could take the camera and I could film it remotely, or a Campus Pastor could deliver it live while I remained in Powhatan (which is what I told Dennis we would do). She suggested that this was the moment to try Sammy's idea. We had to make a few small adjustments and plan for me being held up in traffic, but it was a great time to try the experiment - and it was so great to be at Westchester AND Powhatan in the same day!

Of course, people wanted to know about the baptism and the predicted storms. I told them we'd figure it out, but I wasn't sure what that meant. By 3:45, we were standing on the banks of the river, keenly aware that we were about to get hammered. Sammy checked the radar on his phone, there was a warning issued with 60 mph winds and hail expected. We sent everyone back to their cars to wait it out. 4:20 was our new target time, and with a little rumble still happening to the south of us, we began.

It was overwhelming, as person after person; family after family; changed life after changed life came into the water to tell the whole world that Jesus is Lord. Several people - like Anna Holland, Chauncey Starkey and Delores Moss - were performing that sacred act for the first time. Angie Frame was my partner when families were baptized, something I count as an honored part of our long ministry together.

I haven't actually gotten a final count, but it was around 80 people - by FAR the largest baptism we've ever done. In fact, it was more people than we've ever seen baptized in an entire year. And yesterday, PCC baptized the 500th person in less than 9 years.

Lots of people worked really hard to make the baptism happen. It would add pages to this post for me to name them all. So I'm only going to name one. Rachel Huff is the most skilled care team leader I can possibly imagine. She has a unique set of gifts, and I'm so thankful she's on our team. You made a real difference yesterday, Rachel, and I thank God for your commitment to the people of our church.

God is always Good. If church had been cancelled and the baptism had been delayed to another day, He would still be Good. But this weekend, He poured His favor on us...just heaped it until it was overflowing. And I am exceedingly grateful to be a part of what He is doing and to be on the unbelievably dedicated team that God has brought to PCC.

A really Great Weekend

I tend to think that pretty much every weekend is good. God always shows up and great things always happen. But some weekends are exceptional, and while I occasionally can see a great weekend coming, normally it's a surprise when it happens. This past weekend was one of those. Let me share with you some of the great things that happened this weekend.

Saturday. When we launched our Saturday evening services, there was truly unbelievable attendance. 265...245...it was shocking. Now we've settled down to something more...predictable - around 100. What's great about that? A few things, actually. In the beginning, we had some 'missionaries'. These were solid PCC'ers who wanted to come on Saturday just to support what we were doing. I can't tell you how critical this was (and still is to some extent), and how grateful I am. But now many of these folks have said, "OK, I came for a while and now I'm going back to Sundays." That means that now we have a pretty good bead on how effective Saturday evenings are. Something like 80-100 adults (plus around 25 kids) are coming fairly regularly on Saturdays who would not or could not come on Sundays. That is incredible. If we can make it through the historically low month of July, we'll be home free.

Baptism. Off the top of my head, I think we baptized 63 people in our biggest year (both baptisms combined). Next Sunday, it looks like we'll baptize OVER 70 PEOPLE in ONE baptism!!! I met several folks yesterday who want to go public with their commitment to Jesus Christ next Sunday with their baptism. It's truly incredible what is happening.

101. We had a PCC 101 yesterday (part 1) and I got to meet a dozen or so people who love our church and what we do. These folks remind me that what we do matters and is effective. For the record, almost everyone in the room was someone who was not going to church when they came to PCC. Some had very little exposure to church at all. (I was also in that category as an adult, as we didn't really ever go to church when I was growing up). We are uniquely equipped and called to make a non-threatening environment for these folks, and the conversation in 101 today reinforced that in me again.

Transformational Moments. God really touched some people this weekend.

- One person told me that there was someone she had struggled to forgive for many years. That person, she said, was on the bottom of her 'list'. God used the message to help her see that she was in the same boat - neither got 100, both needed Jesus, and she finally forgave.

- Another told me that he had prayed today for the first time to accept God's grace through Jesus Christ and offer Him his life.

- One of our staff pastors had an opportunity to pray today with someone as they also committed their life to Jesus.

- I met two people today (independent and unconnected to each other) from European countries, both of whom raved about PCC and how there is nothing like what we do in their hometown across the Atlantic.

- A couple approached me last night to excitedly ask me for the scripture reference I quoted in the message. "Philippians 3:4-11," I said. Then I noticed the lady flipping through the Bible we had given to her a few minutes before. She began in Genesis and flipped, trying to find Philippians. I helped her get there, and she pulled out a highlighter and marked the scripture. It was obvious that God was really working in them both.

- Jim Mustian, our PCC Bookstore Manager, told me today that we have given out 1690 Bibles...before yesterday's services.

The bottom line is this: God is at work at our church, people's lives are changing, and it is a great privilege to be a part of it!

Don't miss the historic baptism next Sunday. See you there!

A Few Thoughts about this Weekend...

It was a great weekend at PCC! Of course, Memorial Day Weekend is historically low attendance, and that was certainly the case this year! It was our lowest attendance since July and the first time we've seen attendance go below 1,000 since August. But it was predictable - the weather was mostly good and it's hard to resist a 3 & 1/2 day weekend! (And a good bit of folks were able to join us online from the river, beach, pool or lake.)

Those who were able to be at PCC today (either physically at one of our campuses or online) got to participate in some really great music, the pinnacle of which was an unbelievable song that closed the service, written by our own Lindsay Harris. That song is not just good...it's awesome! You'll hear it on the radio some day. Can't wait to get some great original music recorded for a PCC album!

We dealt with a difficult subject today in talking about hell. Plenty of churches take it on, but I think God has uniquely equipped PCC to handle topics like this in a way that feels less judgmental to someone who's not used to going to church. I'm not trying to make hell sound like a vacation spot. Rather, I am trying to create a forum where people are willing to approach these tough subjects with an open mind. This requires that they set aside their pre-conceived notions about the church, based on their previous observations and experiences. To get there, I usually lean into the conversation with that person by trying to ease the tension somehow. That's why I began with the Far Side cartoons and pushed the envelope a little towards the end with the...'expressions' about hell that are part of our vernacular.

I'll post most of the scripture references I used as well as some of the basic emphases of the message in my next post.

It was a good weekend at PCC. I think we may have helped some folks. Using both our best work and the work that fell short - God showed up. He always comes through!

Scriptures on Heaven

Today, I made reference to a LOT of scripture. Thought I'd recap here in case you wanted to look some of it up.

• John 14 is a critical chapter in my thinking on this subject. I really think you should read it.
• Matthew 4:17
• Romans 6:23 says that “the gift of God is eternal life with Jesus Christ.”
• 2 Cor 4:18 says, “we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
• 2 Cor 5:1-2 says “Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dewelling…”.
• WHEN will Heaven happen? I referred to Jesus' conversation with the thief on the cross next to him in Luke 23. I would also refer you to the account in Matthew 17:1-8 of Moses and Elijah appearing with Jesus on the mountain. They were not laying 'in state', but were present with Jesus (presumably from heaven). I also noted 1 Cor 15:52 to note that something happens when Jesus returns.
• Speaking of Jesus' return, you can read about that in John 14, 1 Thess 4:16, Mark 13, Hebrews 2, 2 Thess, just to name a few.
• 1 Cor 15:40-58 will give you a taste of what Heaven will be like.
• Finally, how do you get into Heaven? I refer you to John 14:6, John 3:16 and Romans 10:9 for the answers.

More discussion about heaven later...

Reflections on an incredible weekend at PCC

EASTER SOUL PREP: In our study of John, chapter by chapter, as Easter Soul Prep., today is one of the days I'm skipping. My guess is that I'll do that on the Sunday's from here to Easter, but we'll see. In any event, I'll do chapter 4 tomorrow.

This weekend has been one of the best I've had in a long time. PCC was filled with all kinds of great and awesome events during the past few days. Let me highlight a few that I know about.

• Dinner theater. Wow! That is a good way to describe it. First, there were around 250 people who came to the dinner. To have that many people eating at tables in the big room was an awesome sight to see. It was pretty packed. The food was awesome (Carrabba's), and the play was extremely well done, too - very well acted and very entertaining. For me personally, it was a unique chance to meet folks who were checking out our church. For many people, it was an opportunity to invite their friends and neighbors to see our facility in a very non-threatening way. I met several families who were in the building for the first time and who seemed genuinely interested in coming back for church. Plus, we raised a good bit of money for the Macedonia mission trip.

I also had the privilege of watching my 16 year old son, Daniel, wait on tables and serve people. I'm really proud of him and the young man he is becoming. Though, as a parent, I have some apprehension about him going to Macedonia (he's never been out of the country without us), I know God will do great things through him and the others there.

• PCC's SECOND Saturday night service. Well, VCU was in the Final Four, and the game started at the same time as our service....AND 41,000 people ran in the 10K in Richmond, including a lot of PCC folks, that morning...AND many of our folks had worked in or attended the Friday night dinner theater. SO...We knew we wouldn't be setting any attendance records! Still, almost 130 people were there! And the service was good. And we were able to use the recording in front of a live crowd for our Westchester Campus. Normally, I record the message for them on Wednesday (which I did as a backup). But this week, we experimented with the Saturday night service recording, which I have heard went very, very well at WC.

• Church today was outstanding. God really moved, and we've seen and heard about that from lots of people as the feedback keeps coming in. Today was one of those 'moments' that was life changing and which many of us will never forget. I'll never read Acts 10 the same way again.

• 101 part 1 happened right after church. I heard one story after another from folks who testified to the unique, refreshing, life-changing work that God is doing through our church. It never gets old, and I was blown away (again) at what a huge difference PCC is making in our community. God is so good to include us in what He is doing.

• The CORE meeting tonight was sooooo cool! Beth and Lindsay - they may not appreciate your songwriting abilities in Nashville, but we liked it just the same! The student band was very good and the refreshments for those who came out were excellent (special thanks to Cathy Rusch). Being online and being able to interact with a live crowd and an online community was very innovative. I felt like what we did tonight was creative, warm and casual, and really, really US! It was very PCC!

So many people work so hard to make PCC happen. Even as I write this, Jon Messer and Tom Lewis are still at the building taking down some lighting apparatus so we can make some maintenance repairs. It's humbling to be around such dedicated folks who believe so passionately in what we do.

So, after a long but fruitful weekend, I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off! See you tomorrow when we talk about John 4...

Online Trouble, last week's service

Last Sunday, we had our first major trouble being online. Still tracking down the issues, but a lot of people missed it. I'm really sorry about that.

If you'd like to see the service, you can do that by clicking here.

We believe we've got the issues handled. Next week - and any Sunday - you can attend online at 11:15 Sunday's at this address: www.pccwiredLIVE.net. You can also get there through the PCC website at www.pccwired.net

Important Topic at Church Tomorrow

First, thanks for praying for me. I really hated to be out sick last Sunday. Frankly, I liked being able to say that I had never done that in a dozen years. But I suppose the odds were against me keeping a perfect record on that. Anyway, Dennis did an awesome job, didn't he? I'm about 90% now, and doing much better each day.

And I'm excited about returning tomorrow after not teaching for 2 Sundays in a row.

Tomorrow, we deal with one of the most important subjects of our lives. It absolutely affects everyone, and most people - single or married, teenager to older adults - talk about it or think about it more than we might admit. It is very important to our culture, to our lives, to our families, to the health of our marriages and dating relationships. The topic?

Sex.

There. I said it. Tomorrow, I'll say a LOT more about it. More importantly, we'll hear from the Bible about it.

If you want to stay away, that's your choice. But I can assure you of this: I'm not shying away from it. It's important. The Bible has a lot to say about it. I believe that God wants to talk to us about it. And my #1 life role - like your #1 life role - is to listen to His voice and do what He says. I feel very strongly that God wants me to teach the Biblical perspective on sex and I believe that He wants the church (OUR church) to put the subject on the table.

Whether you are single or newly married or married for decades; whether you are a teenager or an adult; regardless of your life's situation, this message is for you and will have practical application for you.

And, as is the case most Sundays, we have a very cool twist that you will not want to miss (nothing inappropriate, I promise.)

NOTE TO PARENTS: If you are a parent of a school-aged child, I completely respect your right as a parent to decide whether or not you want your kid to hear about this topic. But if I can say this as a word of advice: We're certainly not going to talk about mechanics. We're talking about what God has in mind when it comes to sex. Your teenager is talking about it and thinking about it, whether you want to admit that or not. So I encourage you to let them be a part of tomorrow's service. Younger kids (through 6th grade) are always welcome upstairs in First Steps and PowerJAM.

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow!

Brian

Becoming the girl of his dreams

By Dennis Green...

More thoughts from today’s message – Becoming the girl of his dreams!

We looked at the Apostle Paul’s teaching this morning and we unpacked some verses from the book of Ephesians. In chapter 5, Paul is very clear in his instruction for how husbands and wives are to treat one another. Husbands are to love their wives and wives are to respect their husbands.

Does that mean that wives don’t need respect or that husbands don’t need love?

No. What these verses are helping us understand is that the these are the primary ways we each need to receive love from our spouse. We know from last week that when you peel love down to its most basic form, women really want to be cherished. That’s how they best receive what we are trying to tell them.

For men, Paul is telling his readers that men don’t receive love the same way as women. God made men to be at their best when they can receive love through being respected.
What does respecting your husband look like? If you have never given this idea any thought before, that is a very fair question. How do you do it? How do you know if you are doing it well?
In church this morning, we talked about three primary ways men receive respect from their wife:

Acceptance; Affection; Affirmation

Obviously, there is a lot more to it. There are several books I highly recommend that will help you with understanding and with application.

Dr. Laura Schlesinger wrote a book called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”. I believe it is a must read for every wife or fiancé.

Dr. Emerson Eggerich wrote a book called “Love and Respect”. I believe it is a must read for every married couple for engaged couple.

These two books provide a great starting place. Our staff has many more books and resources we can recommend, depending on your particular area of interest and need. We are happy to help.

Below is a list I borrowed from familyminute.com. Try some of these suggestions and just watch your husband swell up. If this kind of thing is new to you, HOLD ON! You want believe the difference it will make in your spouse and in your marriage.
Good luck!
Dennis

10 Things Husbands Want to Hear from their Wives

Mark Twain once commented, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” I agree. There is nothing like specific and detailed praise and validation to energize a marriage. After some research here at Family First, we found the 10 things husbands want to hear most from their wives. And if we missed one, please post your idea in the comments section below.

1. “I love being your wife.”
As simple as it sounds, husbands want to know that their wives are content in their marriage, and truly enjoy just being with them. When is the last time you thanked your husband for marrying you? Don’t just assume he knows. Tell him!

2. “You’re an outstanding father.”
Deep in the heart of every man is the desire to be seen as a hero—especially to his children. Specifically tell your husband why he is your kids’ hero. And, tonight at dinner, tell your children why he is so special.

3. “I’m really attracted to you. You are the man!”
It’s a myth that women are always more looks-conscious than men. As guys’ hairlines begin to recede and stomachs start protruding, they can become quite sensitive about their appearance. Never joke about how your husband looks. Tell him he’s “hot” and how attracted you are to him.

4. “I really respect the decision you made.”
When a man makes a decision, especially a tough one, he doesn’t want his wife being critical of it or questioning him about it. He wants to know that his wife is behind him and admires his ability to make good decisions.

5. “I know how important it is to live within our means. I’m with you on this.”
Your husband is concerned about the future of your family. So that means he is concerned about taking care of his family financially. Having a wife he can rely on to spend and save wisely is a tremendous comfort to him.

6. “I’m so grateful for your spiritual leadership.”
All of us are hardwired for a relationship with God, and many men want to be seen as the spiritual caretakers of their families. Encourage your husband in his faith and for taking his role as a spiritual leader seriously.

7. “You are so wise.”
Many men are born problem solvers and relish the process of thinking through something and arriving at a solution. This, incidentally, is why your husband is always trying to “fix” your problems when all you want him to do is listen. Recognizing your husband’s mental prowess and complimenting him on his intelligence will pay massive dividends to you. Emphasize to him that you trust his wise judgment.

8. “I appreciate how hard you work to provide for our family.”
There are many things in life that your husband cannot control, but one he can control is effort. It brings him great pleasure to work hard and see the results. To directly control, and be the man responsible for creating something from nothing thrills him. Encourage his great work ethic.

9. “Thank you very much for helping me with that.”
When a man serves his wife, he wants her to recognize it. A simple “thank you” is all he needs.

10. “I’m impressed with how you handled that situation.”
Sometimes a wife will point out when her husband does not handle something well. So when he handles a particularly difficult situation well, let him know.

You Can GET CONNECTED!

Whether you've been coming to PCC for a short time or a long time, it may BE time to get connected!

I really believe that a person who is really actively growing in their faith needs to be doing these two things :

• Small Group. This is where you really get to know some folks and where community happens. I like to say that small group is where real church happens. It's where folks will miss you when you don't make it. They'll often remember your birthday and show up for special occasions and be there when you struggle.

• Serve. Every Christ follower has gifts, experiences, skills, passions, and a unique personality. These things combine and God uses them to grow you while He's growing the church. There are countless places you can get involved and be a part of what's happening. It's what you were called to do.

Whenever I hear from someone who is stuck in their faith journey, I always ask about these two areas. More often than not, someone who's faith is stagnant is either not in a small group, not using their gifts and talents, or not doing either one.

You can get connected in serving and small group by clicking here. You'll be on your way to a new season of growing!

Money Part 3

Giving. It's the most telling - and most private - part of the discussion about what kind of treasure you are pursuing. Many people say they are sold out for God, but they give a token amount of money away. I've known and talked with countless folks who essentially said, "God, you can have my whole life - anything you want...except my money." And they wondered why they were having spiritual challenges...why God felt distant.

God doesn't want 90% of your life. He wants ALL of your life. I no longer belong to myself, to serve myself, to decide for myself. I gave God the reigns, and He gets to decide. I'm just a manager. It all belongs to Him.

So, I have come to enjoy - truly enjoy - giving away thousands of dollars every year. The money is not mine, anyway...it's God's. The minimum benchmark is 10%, but I try to give a larger percentage every year, with the hopes that one day I can give 25% or more. I do this because I want to be sure I don't look at the other 90% as 'mine'. The Bible is clear: God owns it all.

When I give, I mostly give to PCC. Two reasons:

1) I believe that the tithe (10%) is supposed to go to the local church. PCC is where I call home, and I think the Bible teaches Christ followers to give the tithe there.

2) I believe in the work that PCC does. If I didn't, frankly, I wouldn't be there. You should be at a church you believe in, and you should tithe to that church.

I DO give to some other causes. I support a child in a developing country with a contribution every month. I give to a few other causes from time to time, too. But the bulk of my giving is to my local church.

Not everyone can go from zero to 10% all at once. Many have to grow into it. Susan and I required a few years to become tithers, because of debt and lifestyle choices that couldn't be remedied all at once. But we've been tithers now for fifteen years or so, and I've never regretted one penny of it. In fact, I've increasingly enjoyed it.

Give giving a try. Build toward the tithe. And watch the stronghold that money has on your life begin to loosen. You won't regret it.

Money Part 2

In Matthew 6, Jesus talks about money with word pictures like treasure storage and master serving; heart placement and priority seeking and worry. They're all tied together and wrapped up in this question: What part does money and materialism play in my life?

Now, if you're honest, you most likely will admit that you, like the rest of us, pursue at least some things that you don't need. I fight with this all the time, though lately I'm less focused on material things, but I'm sure the affliction will return soon enough. There is nothing inherently wrong or sinful about wanting a new flat screen, a newer car, a more modern kitchen, an updated laptop, or an iPhone. The problem comes with, "What is the price I'm willing to pay to get..."

Consider this:

• When I buy something on a credit card, how long will it take me to pay for it?

• When I buy something with money I have, what cause could have been supported instead? How many hungry people could have been fed? How many cases of HIV/AIDS could have been prevented? How many social injustices could have been corrected?

• How much time will I spend earning the money to buy the things I want or to accumulate the wealth I want? What if that same amount of time was directed towards helping others, volunteering and serving? (in any number of worthy causes)

• Is the job I have today something I love and enjoy...or am I only here for the money?

Admittedly, these are very hard questions. And you certainly have to examine your life in it's entirety, not simply on the merits of one purchase or one decision. Still, I think we'd all do well to consider these things with Jesus' words from Matthew 6 and ask God to help us be honest with ourselves about them.

Money Part 1

There is no question in my mind that money is THE most difficult part of our lives to re-prioritize (for most of us). We spend SO much of our time working, balancing, investing, planning, bill paying, check writing, and negotiating, it's no wonder that we think a lot about it.

There is nothing sinful in thinking about money. As I said today (and have said many times), Jesus spoke more about this subject than heaven and hell. He knows it's important.

But it should NOT be the most important. Jesus was crystal clear about this: Seek the Kingdom of God and His right way of living FIRST.

If you are interested in not settling for a lesser life, you have to come to grips with this. Before we can talk about less debt, living more simply, giving/tithing, etc., we have to first understand what Seeking the Kingdom of God is all about. Here are three questions you might reflect on and pray about this week. Ask God to show you some of the changes you need to make:

1) Are you setting aside some time every day to read the Bible and talk with God. There are many tools to help you with this - Daily reading plans, One-year Bibles, Three-year Bibles, and countless devotional books that combine stories, scriptures and prayers. This habit will help you re-order your life. It's an important change you may need to make.

2) Am I seeking God when I do the 'other' things? Even if you DO spend some time reading the Bible and praying every day, that doesn't mean that you leave God on a shelf and check Him off of your list. Being true to the Spirit in Matthew 6:33 means engaging with God - seeking out His purposes - in everything else on our agenda every day. During this meeting, over this lunch, at this game, while I'm driving, as I'm relaxing...in all of these things, how am I seeking the Kingdom of God? You CAN answer this question. Asking it is the first step.

3) What would my closest friends and family say about my Kingdom-Seeking? Ask them. If they say your life is a 'Seek-the-Kingdom-First' kind of life, that's an indication of perception, and likely is grounded in reality. The opposite is true, too.

I hope you will do some evaluating on Matthew 6:33 and your life. This is the best way to begin a re-ordering of your finances. You don't have to settle for being broke. Start here. This week, on this blog, I'll point you to some practical ways to continue the journey.

Friends

We could do an entire series on Friends - there are so many examples in the Bible of functional and dysfunctional friendships. And there are a lot of straight teachings about what it means to be in real, authentic community and healthy friendships. I think about David and Jonathan, Paul and Silas, Barnabas and John Mark. I'm also reminded of this quote from Relationships by the Parrotts':

"Actually, what many people call their 'circle of friends' more closely resembles a triangle. Many people have contact with between 500 and 2,500 acquaintances each year, representing the base of the triangle. Then there are the 20 to 100 'core friends' in the middle. These we know by first name, and we see them somewhat regularly. At the top of the triangle are one to seven intimate friends. These people are closely involved in our lives, and their names are likely engraved on our hearts."

Yesterday, I shared my 4 litmus tests for friendship yesterday, saying friends are:

1) Mobile. They show up when you need them in spite of cost or inconvenience or danger.

2) Loyal. They believe the best about you.

3) Truthful. Because they are mobile and loyal, they earn the right to tell you the truth about...you.

4) Spiritual. A real friend always points my life towards God.

If you think about it, you don't really have time or emotional space in your life for more than a handful of people in the top of your triangle - to use the Parrotts' analogy. So, among the people you call friends, do they pass these tests? Are there other criteria you would apply? What other Biblical principles or examples are important to you? How would you go about finding great friends? Is it appropriate to let a 'friendship' go if it's not a real friendship? How would you go about doing that? What's the most healthy way to do that?

These are worthwhile questions to consider for all of us.

Thoughts on today...

Today's service was 'Don't Settle for Bad Relationships'. It was a fantastic day that really put on display the very wide span of talent that God has assembled at PCC. Several of these are areas where you can get involved with what He is up to at our church:

1) Drama. Matt Morin and Chad Milburn have worked very hard to establish a top-notch drama ministry at PCC. I think we're there, and these two guys just keep getting better. Their appreciation for dramatic humor and understanding of stage presence gets more intuitive every time they are there. I'm very grateful for their effort and dedication. Today was one of the best skits they've ever done.

2) Dance. Mandy James is so skilled at dance itself, and her willingness to teach, coach and mentor others makes her able to create powerful moments on stage. Today's dance was another example of her skill at choreography and technique.

3) Music. No question about it, God has assembled one of the finest groups of musicians and singers around at PCC. Today, the stylistic variety alone was mindblowing. And did you notice the wide age ranges on stage? This is how we reach all kinds of people - by being relevant with our music to a wide range of styles and demographics.

4) Technical. Our tech team spent scores of hours this week pulling the big room at the Powhatan Campus apart and re-working and tuning the room. Also, we completely set up the Westchester equipment on Saturday and did a day of training and re-tooling. At both campuses, the hard work showed today, and the technical, behind-the-scenes side of PCC was really shining. Way to go, team!

5) Online. Every week, we get better and better at many aspects of our Online Campus. The potential there to reach people is phenomenal, not to mention the benefits to our own folks who are out of town temporarily...or permanently. (You can watch live on Sundays or recorded services at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/pccwired)

There are lots of other areas that I could mention here, but these are the 5 that are really on my mind this evening as I look back on our services today.

The truth is that PCC has a LOT of momentum right now, and there are a lot of ways that you can plug in. Together, we can do all that God wants us to do.

Why don't you plan to come to the CORE meeting this coming Friday at 6:30? There will be a lot of helpful information there about where we're headed, and we'll have communion together, too. Whether you're still checking out PCC or you're absolutely committed, this will be a great investment of time for you. See you Friday!

A Valuable Speaking Lesson

This post could be slightly gross. Not trying to make anyone nauseous, but I learned a valuable lesson Sunday. I've been speaking publicly now for over ten years, I never learned this. Guess it's one of those lessons they don't teach in class and you just kind of have to find out the hard way. If you were in the first service Sunday, you got to experience the consequences! I thought it might be valuable to a few folks.

When I walked out onto the stage, my voice was strong. I had many years of training in projection, diction, etc., so I know how to make my voice get where it needs to go. But a couple of minutes into the message, while I was talking, I swallowed - which we all do naturally from time to time, even when we're not drinking anything. In this case, not all of it (the saliva - just to be explicit) went down the right tube. A miniscule drop of spit got slightly hung up. No big deal. In any normal setting, I would have just swallowed again, cleared my throat and it would have been fine. But I was in the middle of speaking and I thought, "well, you don't want to seem rude or gross anyone out by hocking up right here on stage. Just let it work itself out."

It didn't.

The more I talked, the worse it got. It was like putting a lid on my voice and screwing it tighter and tighter. The longer I talked, the more faint my voice was...every minute it was harder and harder to talk. Of course, at some point, I decided that I had to clear my throat, but by that time it was too far gone. Two different people brought bottles of water to the stage, and - THANKFULLY - there was a video in the middle of my message. I took the opportunity to suck down all the water I could and hack up all the junk I could and regain some composure.

I don't get distracted by much, but this really threw me. It was hard to focus on the message - I was so worried I would lose my voice altogether.

So, it was a lesson well learned. You could say it was a tough pill to swallow :-) Next time, I'll just clear my throat!

Dancing in the Mindfields

Yesterday, we got to see one of the best music video's I've ever experienced. It is one of the best songs about marriages that go the distance, and its message is moving and inspiring.

I first saw this video and heard the song at the same time. On September 11, 2010, Beth Stoddard sent an email to Susan and me. In the message line it said, "Do you trust me?" Beth doesn't dramatize things in emails like this, so I knew this was important. Here's the email:

"Sometime today, grab one of your laptops.

Sit down together, side by side.

Hold hands. THIS PART IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. Hold each others' hands.

Make sure the volume is up so you can hear clearly - and turn off anything else that will compete with this sound.

Click here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtTa81LyuQM

I love you both. I watched this and cried. This is my prayer for both of you today.

By the way, this is the "Silence of God" guy...."

As I said yesterday, it was incredibly moving for us. It came at a moment when we were struggling to find some sense of balance. We were both working at an insane pace with an insane schedule. It was really starting to bother me. I knew something had to change.

One of the things we did was begin to entrust our struggle with some very good friends. Not many. It's complicated, you know, when you are the pastor and his wife, who also happens to be on the staff. But we gathered around us some trusted friends and others who could support us and help guide us back to health.

I'm so grateful to Andrew Peterson for writing this song (which came after a fight with his wife, by the way). And I'm grateful for good friends like Beth who helped us along the way. Hope this video helps you, too.

Don't Settle for a Mediocre Marriage

Today's subject remains one of my favorite. And while I believe we need to address issues that are specific to single folks, I also believe that when we strengthen marriages, we make everybody better, and everyone wins.

Here is a recap of today's message. Tomorrow, I'll give you the references to the books I've recently read or am currently reading on marriage.

I mentioned 3 things you could do to move from mediocrity to greatness in your marriage. These aren't meant to be quick fixes. Some marriages need a lot of time and effort to begin to feel great again. If your marriage is in bad shape, it likely didn't get that way overnight, and it won't become great overnight, either. But slowly, with high commitment and sacrifice, there is a great reward for the work. Here were my 3 suggestions:

1) Elevate Your Spouse's Value. Genesis 2:18-24. The Hebrew word from which we get 'helper' means a counterpart, a mirror resemblance, neither higher nor lower than, but in all things equal to. There is no implied inferiority in the word. God created both of you in His image. Both of you.

Exercise: List 3 positive qualities that you have ever seen in your spouse. Just 3. No more and no less. There can be a hundred choices...sexy, loving, caring, kind, selfless, handsome, macho, strong, determined, confident...the list goes on and on. Now, list at least one specific instance when you remember your spouse displaying that quality. Calendar some time together - an hour, or better yet, a date night. The agenda is to each share your 3 things. Don't just name them, but share the details that you remember. Nothing negative. Just positive things. You'll be amazed at the impact it has.

2) Say great things about them and to them. This isn't the same as the first point. That one looks back to the past. This one is ongoing. It's designed to get you into the habit of regularly complimenting your spouse. The idea here is not to be phony, even though it may not be natural at first. The Scripture was Prov. 31:28-29 and Song of Solomon 1:9-10, 4:1-3.

Exercise: Say something nice every day for a week about your spouse, to them, and in a different way each day. Leave a card. Write with soap on the bathroom mirror. Leave a note for them in the front seat of their car. Send a text. Write on her Facebook wall.

3) Eliminate some Distractions. I almost worded this as "Decrease Distractions and Increase Attention" That's the point. Marriages are bombarded by distractions. Kids. Work. Home Maintenance. TV. Then we added serious technological complications by being tethered to our smartphones 24/7 and the constant need to have our laptops. A good friend tells me it's impossible for them to go 24 hours without checking email. I adamantly disagree. Tell the one's who need to know how to reach you if there's an emergency and then...TURN THE THING OFF. That's my issue, it might not be yours. But let me say this: if it's a problem for your spouse, it's a problem for you.

A few questions about Luke 1-2:

• After reading Luke 1-2, name the things you know about:

Zechariah

Elizabeth

Mary

John

Jesus

• Which characters in the Christmas story are NOT in Luke's account (who is usually in the nativity scene that is not mentioned by Luke)?
• Why was Zechariah unable to speak?
• There are 2 songs in Luke 1 sung by 2 different people. Who are they? Why are they singing? What is their message?
• John has a unique way of greeting Jesus the first time he 'meets' Jesus (from his mother's womb). What does he do?
• Elizabeth and Mary were both unlikely candidates for motherhood. Why?

Don't limit your family time to these questions. Work through the scripture.

And also consider the 3 things we talked about today:

1. How are you making the paths straight for Jesus to be in your life?
2. Is there someone around you to whom you can give some time, and help fill in their valley this Christmas?
3. Is God calling you to give to families in need this year - helping level their mountain of need or hunger or pain? Where should you give? There are lots of options - from individual families to the Salvation Army. You can also give to those folks through PCC. Click here to give through our website. There is an option for 'help others in need' and 100% of your donation would be given to a family in need of help.

Hope this helps you prepare for His coming this Christmas!

Spiritual Markers

Called through Circumstances

God speaks in 4 primary ways. He gives direction into our lives through: The Bible, Prayer, Circumstances, and the Church. These four avenues work in conjunction with each other, and will consistently convey the same message. Taking one avenue by itself and ignoring the others is a recipe to miss the voice of God. You have to look at all four. One may be neutral. In other words, you may look at one of these ways (the Bible, for instance) and not feel like you are getting any direction there. But the other three will all point in a common direction. More often than not, though, God uses all four.

I want to give you a little info today about how circumstances have been a powerful tool that God has used to speak direction into my life, and show you how you can do the same.

For me, circumstances are most important at major crossroads. In his book, Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby talks about how to identify spiritual markers. These are moments when major events occurred in your life and, in the process, you had an encounter with God of some kind. You may not have recognized the encounter at the time, but you see it now as you look back.

For me, there are several pieces that help me understand God's direction for me. Here are 10 of them:

1) I was entertaining, teaching, acting, mc'ing, singing, speaking and generally always in front of people since I was a little boy.

2) My family didn't go to church, but my Grandfather introduced me to Jesus when I was very young and he took me to church when he could (he lived half an hour away). I loved going to church with him.

3) On the many Sundays when he couldn't pick me up - as early as when I When I was 5 or 6 - I would go outside, climb the swingset, and pretend like I was preaching to a crowd. I only knew one Bible verse: Psalm 37:4, which is imprinted firmly in my mind to this day. Today, when I run into one of the neighbors who lived on our street 35 years ago, they almost always remind me of that.

4) I was baptized when I was 16 in a church I went to with a friend. No one from my family was there. I don't have any ill feelings about this - my parents both attend church these days, and I say this not at all to dishonor them. But the circumstances of this event help point me in a direction, seeing that God wants to use me to reach and support others who have similar circumstances.)

5) My undergraduate degree is in business, and I owned businesses and had one that was a spectacular failure (mostly by my own doing). I know what it's like to have a business run your life, work 100 hours a week, be overwhelmed by stress, etc. I encountered God in a special way during my business meltdown, and it has been formative for me.

6) My parents divorced when I was 9.

7) I'm the oldest of my siblings. I think and behave like an oldest child. I am married to an oldest child. Both of my parents are (functionally*) the oldest in each of their families. (there's some good in that...and some not-so-good, but it is a circumstance that God uses to speak direction into my life).

8) The only seminary I considered was the one in Richmond, because of it's location. It happens to be a school that helped me soften my tone, be less condemning and see God's involvement in the world differently.

9) Experiencing God was a study I was doing in 1997 when I had a special encounter with God.

10) On a mission trip in Panama in 1997, God spoke to me clearly about going into church work vocationally.

If you've made it this far in this post, you're probably bored to death. Our own stories aren't all that exciting to everyone else, but I give you these as an illustration. Let me connect some of the dots now.

When I look back on my life, many of the major moments and the encounters with God point to me doing exactly what I'm doing today. My confession? There are some days when I daydream about getting out of church work. Yes, most days I LOVE what I do, but some days, I would love to bail. And when those days come, these spiritual markers help me hear God's voice clearly: I was made for what I'm doing right now. I'm in the center of the bullseye. I wasn't always in that spot, and I can tell you that when you are doing what you were made to do, it's a feeling like no other.

This is NOT just about ministry. I believe God made people for all kinds of work - electricians, managers, teachers, technicians, engineers, medical folks, construction workers, drivers, finance people, and even politicians. :-)

And it's not just about work...think about the people you can most help or most minister to...single moms or people who've lost a spouse; wealthy people or only children; people who grew up in church but hated it or those who never went... The list goes on and on. I know this: God wants you to inventory the spiritual markers of your past so that you can better understand what he wants for your future...and for today.

Hope this helps you see and understand circumstances and spiritual markers!

*The study of Birth Order is fascinating and has been pioneered by a leading marriage and family counselor who is also a Christ follower. If you are interested, I encourage you to get and read The Birth Order Book, by Kevin Leman. Click here to see it.