Laying Down One's Life for Another

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." (John 15:13, TNIV)

I imagine the conversation went something like this:

"Hey, you want to go see the movie?" he asked.

"Sure. Can't wait!" she replied.

They anticipated the opening for weeks. The third installment in the latest Batman trilogy. Young and full of energy, they plan to attend the opening day showing. He buys the tickets on Fandango. They go early and wait in line. Maybe they see some others they know there. Stubs torn in half, popcorn and junior mints and a diet coke in hand, they go in and find their seats. Not too high up, not too close. And in the middle of the row, too.

I don't know what they were thinking about. Maybe school or work or what will happen after the movie. Maybe he's thinking about their future together. Maybe she's thinking about it, too.

But I can assure you that neither of them were thinking about dying.

This guy walks into the front of the theater, through an emergency exit, dressed in black. He throws down some kind of smoke and starts shooting.

At first, the couple is confused, wondering if it's a part of the movie somehow. But it only takes a few seconds for the fog to clear - they know this is no show and they realize they are in real danger.

So, this young man, with a long life and a promising future ahead of him, asks his date to dance, and he dances one last time for the woman he loves. This dance is the most intimate kind - even more than sexual intimacy - and one that reflects the greatest kind of love possible. It's a simple two-step where he holds her tightly and positions his body in between his partner and the approaching shrapnel.

Three times. Three times that night, three different 20-something young men embraced three different 20-something young women in this heroic act of bravery. They weren't married to these girls. Did they love them? Every. Single. One. The Bible makes it clear: No one can display a greater act of love than to lay down their lives for someone else.

As I travel with my family, I find that the days we're on the move are the high anxiety days for me. Do I have everyone? Are they all safe? I'm constantly looking around, looking for the suspicious person, looking for acceptable escape routes, looking for ways to protect us. Too much crime-tv, I guess.

I've found a love of snorkeling, and Joshua and I have spent hours in the last few weeks swimming with huge turtles and massive, countless colorful fish. But the whole time we're in the water, I'm also slightly nervous. I constantly scan the underwater horizon. Too many years of 'Shark Week', I guess.

We also spent time in the wilderness - in grizzly bear country - with 800 pound monsters just a few hundred yards away from our unprotected position. We saw them and took pictures. At 35 mph, he could have been on us in seconds. Too many National Geographic specials, I guess.

In a very tragic way, these three young men have given me pause and cause to reflect on myself. Would I put myself in harms way for my family - in between an attacking human or an attacking wild predator? No question about it. I'd do it without hesitation. It would be a natural reflex, and I'd have it no other way.

But the real question is this: Will I lay down my life for them even if the attacks are more...subtle. More disguised.

Will I protect them from my own busyness, from my own ambition, from my own need or selfishness? Even as I write this, Joshua lurks behind me. Twice, he has asked me to play a game. Twice, I've responded, "When I'm finished with what I'm writing." There is a greater danger that I won't protect them from myself, rather than some outside threat.

It is possible to lay down my life for the ones I love and not die a physical death. I am willing to die for them. The more relevant question is: Am I willing to live for them?

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Becoming Still

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

I bet the psalmist needed to hear God command him to be still. He probably wouldn't be still on his own. He wouldn't do it until he knew it was necessary for his soul. I think I understand.

My friend, Sammy Williams, who is a pastor a little older, wiser, and more experienced than I am called me a few weeks ago, soon after my Sabbatical began. "It will take three weeks," he said. He continued with something like this: 'For three weeks, you'll think about the church most days. You'll wonder what they're doing, what the service was like, how's attendance, giving and other metrics. Who's upset. What decisions are being made. Who needs care. But if you commit to your Sabbatical and focus on what God wants you to do, it will stop. After three weeks, you'll start to be still.'

Truth be told, it took me a little more than a month. I doubted Sammy a little. For the first few weeks, most days I still found a lot of anxiety in my soul. There is the constant drumbeat of 'what's next' and 'how can you out-do last weekend' and 'how are we going to solve this problem' and 'what is the next hill we're going to climb' and 'how are we going to climb it.'

But I followed Sammy's advice. For the most part, I didn't give into the voice that had, for so long, ruled my waking thoughts. I knew God had something new and really good for me if I would wait and be patient. And then, I heard it. Not some new calling or a new direction to take the church. I didn't hear God tell me to move to the jungle and become a missionary. I didn't hear him tell me anything new to accomplish. But I did hear God speak. It was new to me, because mostly I've felt God telling me what to do. This was more like God reminding me of who I am, and, more importantly, who He is.

This is the voice of God that can only come when you are finally, completely still. Not simply sitting still, but still on the inside. I couldn't get still on the inside - deep in my soul - without stepping away for an extended time. Now I can feel my spirit really rest. I've physically been resting. But now I'm resting through and through.

I think about my computer. I leave the thing on all the time. I run programs, pull up files, open and close windows. This goes on hundreds of times in a week. After a while, the thing get's slower and slower and starts to hang up more and more frequently. All the clutter of the constant execution and review causes the processor to need a shut down and a fresh re-start.

I think that's what 'being still' is like. In the past, I'd try to 'reboot' by closing most of the windows. I'd go away for 3 days, try not to think about most things. That helps. But a true re-boot means that I have to shut down entirely. Then I have to wait - let the screen go dark and the processor cool off. Then, after I'm sure it's all quiet, I can hit the power button and boot up again.

I'm finally in that spot where I'm still. The processor is off. The screen is blank. I'm still. I feel like God has led me beside still and peaceful waters.

The picture above is the sunset we saw tonight right off the beach. It captures a lot of what I feel is happening inside of me. It's pure, still, powerful, and not 'of me' in any way. It doesn't depend on me at all. Frankly, it feels good. It feels confident and reassured and alive. And the sun rises and sets every day without any input or work on my part at all. Tomorrow, it will happen again - with or without me. I'm an afterthought. I'm nothing compared to who God is and my work is nothing compared to what God can do.

I needed to come to this place, be put in my place, in order to find my place.

Now I'm still. And I know anew that He is God.

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Reconnecting with Family

Lilly Endowment literature indicates the purpose of their grant program as, “to strengthen Christian congregations by providing opportunities for pastors to step away briefly from the persistent obligations of daily parish life and to engage in a period of renewal and reflection.”

When I wrote my proposal for the grant, I indicated four purposes: Rest, Reflection, Reconnection and Re-envisioning.

Reconnecting involved several aspects: reconnecting with significant people who helped shape my ministry and some old friends who I don't have time to see anymore.

But a major reconnection for me was to reconnect with my family. The Lilly Foundation grant allowed us to get away, just the five of us, and create an environment where we could have focused conversation without the distractions of normal life.

That's what I've been doing for a little more than 2 weeks now, and it's part of why I've been so silent on this blog. I've been intensly focused on giving my family some time and attention that they desperately needed. I simply cannot emphasize how critical this time has been for my family. It has been many, many years since we were in as good a place relationally as we are right now.

Most people don't realize the toll ministry takes on families. I have a good friend who trades barbs with me on our work. He says, "I'm going to seminary so I can have the easy life." I say, "I'm going into real estate so I can sleep in every day." But we both know that the other works hard, even if we don't know exactly what that looks like.

The truth is, the life of any minister (Senior Pastor and other pastors and church staff) is incredibly demanding. And the one's who usually pay the biggest price are the families of those pastors.

Here's my confession: I have neglected my family. For most of the twelve years I've been a pastor, I chose the church over my kids. They paid a price. This gift - of time from PCC and of funding from the Lilly Foundation - has allowed for some healing conversations that would have not otherwise happened.

One exercise I asked my kids to do was a series of questions:

1) Name a few of your best family memories. Why was this a good memory for you.

2) Ten or twenty years from now, your kid is doing a project for school. To complete it, they ask you the following question: "Mom/Dad, What was the best part of growing up for you?" What will you say?

3) A good friend calls one day and asks you to lunch, saying they have something imortant to ask you. At lunch, after some small talk, they say, "I'm strongly considering entering ministry. I feel like God is calilng me to pastor a church. I'm sure it will be great, but I also want to consider the changes this role will bring to my spouse and kids. I know your Dad is a pastor, and thought you could give me some insight. So, I wonder if you would honestly answer the following questions:

What are some of the blessings or benefits of being a pastor's family?

What are some fo the costs or curses of being a pastor's family?

 

We laughed...and we cried as we remembered some of our great moments together. We had long conversations over the course of many days about the blessings and costs of being a pastor's family. There have been many blessings, and we celebrated them and thanked God for them. But there have also been many costs. Our conversations weren't just gripe sessions, but rather productive ways to talk about how we can make healthy changes that will allow us to be a stronger family, honoring God in the church and in our home.


The benefit of being a long way from home when talking about this stuff is that you can take a 'time out' and come back to difficult converstions a few hours later or the next morning. You can pick it up again over dinner, breakfast the next day, lunch, swimming and sightseeing, in the car, on the plane. It's intense family togetherness, through shared experiences, and something happens that would not otherwise take place. Normally, we'd come to an impass or a place where we needed to take a time-out to process and think, but never get back to the conversation, because of work and schedules. This Sabbatical experience allows for that conversation to go the whole distance, and great things happened because of that.

Our Big Trip has one week left. Then it's onto another phase of my Sabbatical. There is a lot more to say, but this post is long enough for today. Here are a few more pictures.

 

 

 

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Coming Home

We served the people of Puerto Rico this week. We have a most amazing group of teenagers. Yesterday, we they kept pulling some of us to go to finish other jobs. We ran around like we were insane, but when we showed up, things started moving and happening. One person - a leader from another church - said to me, "Your students work SO hard! When they get on a job, the job gets done." She wasn't disparaging her other teenagers or putting anyone down, simply saying that she had noticed that PCC's general mentality was a "make it happen" kind of thinking. This great compliment came without any prompting from me, it was almost random. But it was a great blessing to us. I'm so proud of our group and the sacrifice we made.

For me, as a part of Sabbatical, this trip was a fantastic experience. I wanted to travel - check. I wanted to do something different - check. I wanted to reflect on how my ministry began - check. I wanted to tithe my time - check. And I wanted to think about the future...and I did that, too.

For example, I learned about the value of 'encourograms'. These are little messages you get all week long from all kinds of people. You can email them to individual team members from your computer in the States. And there are cards here for people to write to others who are here to encourage them. They have this wall of envelopes that serves as our mailbox.

One of the camp leaders told us that PCC had, by far, the most amount of encourograms. People from PCC and relatives of our team sent over a hundred encouragrams most every day. I honestly never realized how important this was until I was on the receiving end. I'll never take the task of writing encouragrams lightly anymore. Sometimes, these are what keep you going, turn a hard day into a good day, or bring a smile after some discouragement.

I also learned about the value of me being with our teenagers and young adults on trips like this. Just to be sure I'm clear, I think Angie Frame is the best Student Pastor around. She IS their pastor. They don't need me to be with them. But there does seem to be something good about me getting to spend time with them in these kinds of settings. I didn't really realize that.

As I reflected on the significant influences of my past (which is part of my Sabbatical experience), I remembered going on a summer trip with a youth group with my buddy Will. Most of the images I remember were of Cecil Seagle, the pastor of the church, who went with us. I revered him. He was so real and so fun. I wanted to be like him. He invested in us. He loved us. And I had forgotten how important it made me feel that he came with us.

I also had the chance to reconnect with my son, Daniel. At 17, there is little time left for him at home. I enjoyed being around him and sharing some meals with him. He even got a couple of perks for me being here, like me buying his meals and a trip to KMart.

I'm coming home today. I've missed the rest of my family terribly. It's time. I'm ready. And the next adventure - the next segment of my SOAL (summer of a lifetime) awaits!

Here are a few more pics:

 

Puerto Rico

I HAVE had some time to think and reflect this week, but those moments have had to be deliberate and a little hard to find. That's ok. There is plenty of Sabbatical left. Peurto Rico is beautiful, it's people incredibly hospitable and loving and welcoming, but with great need all around. God is at work.

Last night, we were led by a SMOKING Puerto Rican worship band - I just can't express how awesome it was to hear people singing familiar worship songs - like what we'd here at PCC - in both Spanish and English at the same time. Wow! Plus, did I mention they were VERY good?!

We are here. It's hot. We're working hard. Lots of great conversations. Getting to know some people from our own team and from other churches. I'm glad I came. Great things are happening. Here are some pics:

 

 

 

2 Mission Trips. Tithing Time. Still on Sabbatical.

When I applied for the Sabbatical Grant, my proposal included four themes to justify the request:

1. Reflection on the past 12 & 1/2 years of vocational ministry, especially the 10 years since PCC began.
2. Re-connection with some important influences on my ministry.
3. Re-envisioning the next 10 years for me and for our church.
4. Rest.

When you write the grant proposal, much of what you say is an 'idea'. You haven't received the grant (and I really didn't think I would receive it) and you haven't actually been given the time yet from the church.*

Once I actually receive the grant and began planning, I realized that I had left out something important to me and central to my core values and beliefs: The Tithe. Tithing is the Biblical concept that technically dealt with money (or material things). The Bible is quite clear about this, and I believe that one cannot be a fully devoted follower of Jesus and not give 10% of their income to their local church. I don't mean that to sound judgmental. I'm simply stating that this is part of my core beliefs and values.


But I believe that the tithe can (and should) also be translated to time. Christ followers should tithe their time, in addition to their money.


The Bible expands on the tithe, and most people who were dedicated to God gave far beyond 10%. They gave the 'tithe' and then they gave 'offerings', which were gifts that went above the tithe. I try to give more than 10% of time and money, but the tithe (the first 10%) belongs to the local church.


Because tithing is a way of life for me, I felt strongly that God would open the door for me to tithe the time I'd been given with this Sabbatical. And He did open that door in a very cool way.


 

Puerto Rico

First, Erik Edwards asked me if I would consider going on the Puerto Rico mission trip. I remembered how my life was changed with the first mission invitation I had been given - to go to Panama in 1997. Wayne and Nita May's encouragement for me to go on that trip altered the course of my future, and I wouldn't be in ministry today had they not invited me. So, when Erik asked, I wondered "How might God use this invitation to change my life again?" I had the rare gift of some extra time, so I actually could go without a burden on my schedule, and I thought God had put it in front of me. I prayed about it, talked with Susan, and agreed to go. In most every mission trip, there is some play time and some work time. The work begins today, but the playing has already happened. Yesterday, we went snorkeling. Here are a few pics:

But one week was not a tithe of my time. I felt God wanted me to do something else, and there was also one week that was still 'open'.

Powhatan

Increasingly, I felt that God wanted me to give that week back to PCC, in the way of a mission project at our Powhatan campus. I would not do my normal work or spend time working in my office - that would violate the spirit of my Sabbatical. Instead, I would quietly come in every day and would install the landscaping that was so badly needed. Someone heard I was going to do this and offered to donate the money to buy the plants.


But as the week approached, I started to feel like I should invited others to join me. I wondered how much more we could actually get done if a bunch of people got involved.


Charlie Towler and Chris Ashman agreed to head it up. For weeks, we made lists, inviting the staff into the conversation, refined the list, and signed people up.


It's been many years since I physically worked that hard for that long. For 5 days, I was at PCC at 8am and worked most days until 8 or 9 pm. A couple of days, I'd take a 2 hour break. I went home at 6pm ony one time. Others were a big part. Kevin Mann came all day on Saturday and then every evening he came after he got off of work. Chris Ashman and Charlie Towler were there all day every day, working their tails off. Scores of people were there Wednesday night. More than a hundred pitched in at one point or another. Several people donated lots and lots of time.

The results were fantastic. The Powhatan Campus has never looked so good. The Big room was repainted with a new color scheme, the landscaping finished, all new mulch, new patios at the children's entrance, the playground area prepped and ready for mulch and swingsets, the hallway doors were coated in polyurethane, baseboard installed in the big room and alcoves, a new sidewalk from the upper parking lot and the big eyesore bed between the lower lot and the upper lot was fixed, planted, mulched, the wall removed and new erosion control installed; the dead tree removed; painting in the office suites; shed and trailer moved; stonework finished around the portico pillars...and that's just what I could think of off the top of my head!

I'm so thankful to so many people who gave their time to PCC at the Powhatan Campus Get R Done week. I'm also thankful for Erik and the many people who made a way for a 30+ older teenagers to experience missions in Puerto Rico. And I'm especially grateful to be able to freely give some time back to the community I love so much.

I loved the idea that I would be giving 2 weeks of my 13 week Sabbatical back. This was more than a tithe. It was taking the love of Jesus to the 'ends of the earth' in Puerto Rico AND in our back yard in Powhatan. This is how I want to live my life, and it makes my Sabbatical feel complete.

*The Steering Team and I agreed that I would not take a Sabbatical this summer if I didn't get the grant, but would wait until next summer, apply again and see if I got it on my second attempt.

**The grant was given to PCC for the purpose of my Sabbatical, so there was no need to tithe the gift, as it was already given to the church.

 

 

Two Qualities of a Great Dad

Today is an unusual Father's Day for me.  I continue my Sabbatical journey from Hatteras this week, and am only with one of my kids - Joshua, my 10 year old and youngest.  As my kids get older, they are more scattered, each learning to live their own lives.

Fatherhood has been a blessing to me.  The joy of being the most significant influence (along with Susan) in the lives of three people.  Sometimes we ask ourselves, "What are we doing to our kids today that they will unload to their counselor in 10 years?!"  I'm sure there is some of that.  But mostly, I think we've done a decent job, and I'm grateful for the honor of having three great kids.  They have mostly made parenting easy.

My Dad set such a great example of what it means to be a great father for me.  When my parents divorced when I was 9, Dad remained a central part of our lives.  He picked us up every weekend and every Wednesday evening.  In a day and time long before joint custody and when the kids usually went with Mom in the divorce and saw Dad every other weekend, we had a very unusual situation.  Dad called frequently and NEVER missed a weekend with us.  NEVER.

Dad drove a 1963 Corvette - a 2 seater - and often picked all 3 of us (me, Jeremy and Jason) up in it.  This was before seatbelt laws, but it was still quite dangerous, looking back.  We'd pile in - and on - each other, all glad to be with Dad once again.**

Dad taught me - through his actions - that there were two things really great fathers give to their kids:  Time and Affirming Words.  Not stuff.  Not money.  Parents think they have to buy everything for their kids.  Kids will ask for everything, too.  My Dad did spoil us a little.  But mostly, he invested heavily in time.  He gave us all the time he had, and I know now that it was a great sacrifice.  As I grew into an adult, Dad has learned to also give me words of affirmation.  For a boy - and a man - there are few things more valuable than to hear your Dad say, "I'm proud of you".  My Dad taught me that.

I hope I give to my kids the time and affirmation that my Dad has given to me.  He remains a great Dad, and I want to be a great Dad, too.

Finally, Susan gave me a really cool gift for Father's day  - The Book of Legends.  Legends from the Talmud and Midrash.  You might recognize this if you read Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker because this is where he learned about Honi the Circle Maker.  I can't wait to read some of this book!

You know, a great dad is also a Legend.  We may never make it into a 'book of legends', but to our kids, the Legend of a Great Dad is very real and very influential.  That's one of my greatest aspirations.

**My Mom was great, by the way, and we loved being with her, too.  I'm simply saying that I learned how to be a good Dad from my father.