21 years ago today

Twenty-one years ago today, I became a dad. The advent of that event was...unorthodox, the circumstances less than ideal. I had far more questions than I had answers. But she arrived anyway. Late in the evening on July 17, Susan had been having a few contractions. Some friends were over for a pizza dinner and someone had heard that taking a walk might initiate the full-blown labor, so we did. Shortly after midnight, we were on our way to the hospital. Later that evening, at 6:56 on July 18, Mary Ashleigh Hughes came into our world and changed it forever.

I will never forget that moment, or that little girl. She was full of life and energy. Everywhere she went, she made people smile. We ran her up and down the road, she logged more miles than a long-distance truck driver, taking her to see every relative - distant or close - it didn't matter.

It doesn't seem like it's been 21 years. Many things have changed since then, but some things have not. Mary Ashleigh still brings life and energy into everything she touches. What a great blessing she has been to me.

Sending my kid to the other side of the world

Seems like we're not parents of little kids for very long. Just a few years ago, this is what my children looked like.

But today, Daniel (who is on the right side of this picture) travels to Macedonia...without us. Half way around the world, for ten days, with $100 in cash, a passport, and a lot of prayer.

As parents, these are scary moments. But they are also moments that give us pause. My family is changing. It's a part of life. My kids are growing up, but there is much to celebrate along the way.

Like today. Daniel raised his own money to go on this trip (well, mostly :-) He's handled himself responsibly and as a respectful, respectable young man should. I'm proud of him, and I really do trust that God will do great things through Daniel and the team today.

He looks a little different these days. (Daniel's the tallest one in the picture). It's a good moment to look at my family and be thankful for all that God has done and for the unspeakable privilege of being an entrusted with their lives, even if it has been for such a short period of time.

Working a Split Shift

In the summer, I work a lot of 'split shifts'. You probably know what that is - I think a good bit of medical professionals (and some others) are familiar with the concept. But I'd love to reduce the mystery that surrounds what pastors do all day. And many pastors, because of the necessity of normal ministry and care, work unusual and unpredictable hours.

This is amplified in the summer, when kids are out of school and vacations are planned.

For me, I tend to be most productive in the morning. I love getting up early and reading, studying, writing and being creative before the rest of the world awakens. I get a lot done before 10am. But then my productivity wanes. Because my kids are home all day during the summer (well, the 2 younger ones, anyway), I can take the middle part of the day, when I'm not productive anyway, and play. Then I can return to work in the late afternoon/early evening when I get my creative second wind.

Today was one of those days. I got a lot done early, spent the afternoon at the river with my family and some of our good friends, and was home at 4:30 energized and back at being productive again.

It was a good day, balanced, where I can look back and know that I did it right. I wish I did it this well every day!

PCC Family Camping Trip!

We still have some slots for our camping outing at Bear Creek Lake next weekend. If you've never been there, it's a great campground, very family friendly. Click here to see some info on the campground. There is a cool beach-style sandy swimming area at the lake!

Here's the scoop:

Family Campout-Bear Creek Lake

Friday July 30-Saturday July 31 (We're only camping Friday night)
$5 per person
Register in advance at PCC
Contact Jessica Gray for details
jessicagray2@verizon.net

We have a limited number of spaces, so sign up today!

Treat Your Kids Like They Are Special

In the fall, I was going to lunch with my 8 year old son every month. He treated these 'dates' with great anticipation. (I blogged about it way back then.) But we missed a month and never picked it up again.

When I played in the PCC golf tournament, a very good friend played on my team. He asked me, "So, are you and Joshua still going to lunch once a month?" I hemmed and hawed, gave him some lame excuse that anyone could see through, and changed the subject. My friend was gracious, but a few days later, he sent me an email. He said he hoped he wasn't being too forward, but that those lunches were important and he hoped I'd make time for one again soon.

That's what good friends do: they make us better parents, better husbands and wives, better followers of Christ.

So, this morning, I got up and got ready for another impossibly overloaded day. And out of the blue, Joshua said, "Dad, guess what!? Today, we're having a pizza party to celebrate how much everyone in the class read this year. Can you come?"

My immediate thought was, 'no way'. I thought about my calendar, my important meetings, my inbox, my unreturned calls, my to do list.

And then I thought about my friend - the one who gently nudged me to choose my family. And I decided to cheat the church today.

"You bet, Joshua. I'll be there."

And I was.

How Could I Neglect Her?

I got to spend most of the day today with my favorite person on the planet. She's my best friend. She was my soul mate before the phrase was popular and cheesy. She's the smartest advisor I have, has an uncanny sense of intuition that is almost always right. She's fun. She's a great listener. She loves God and points me to Him. She's a great mom. She's one of the most effective leaders I've ever known. 22 years ago, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen...and she still is.

So why in the world would I spend 7 days a week working and no time with her week after week after week?! I don't know. We went out to lunch today and then to see a movie. We did some work, I confess, and much of our conversation was about the church. But we still got to have a good, ol' fashioned date. I absolutely love being around her. I had just forgotten.

Today, I was reminded just how must I missed her...and how much I'd missed the boat. Somewhere, we both got off track and gave in to the never-ending list of demands that come from leading a high-speed, growing, moving, building, reaching, experimenting, life changing church. Our church is more fun than anything I've ever done, but that doesn't mean much if I neglect my most precious gift in the process.

I'm going to fix that.

I told Susan today that I'd rather have her in my life than anything else. I mean that. I frankly feel a little hypocritical to tell people to work less and focus on their spouse and family when she and I work so much and neglect our family. Today was an awakening...an 'aha' moment for me and I am going to fix it.

Thank you, God, for allowing me to see where some important adjustments are needed.

Making the games

This morning was my youngest son's second basketball game.  It was an early game - 8am.  Susan and I got him up and we were all scrambling to get out on time.  I was throwing his shoes on and was only half dressed when he looked at me and asked,

"Are you coming, too, Dad?"

It was a convicting question.  How could even wonder if I would come to his game?  I mean, yes, I'm gone a lot.  Yes, I work all the time.  Yes, I'm not home much.  But I don't miss games.  He should know that!  Shouldn't he?  But how could he?  

His was a reasonable question, based on a logical, rational foundation:  'Dad's not here much, so why should I expect he would be there much, either?'

I looked at him, seeing the hint of disappointment in his eye, and - with every ounce of fatherhood in my bones I spoke, "Joshua, Dad doesn't miss games.  Unless there is a real emergency, you can count on me.  I'll be there."  He smiled.  It was sincere and it spoke volumes to me.

I started to joke with him.  "You want to know why?  Because there's this kid who plays in those games...but I can't remember their name...Suzie?   Jerry?   Billy?..."  With each name, he's yell, "NO...His name is JOSHUA!!!"  But I'd ignore him and just keep naming another kid.  

One day, someone else will be the Senior Pastor of Powhatan Community Church.  Someone else will mow my grass, live in my house, type on this keyboard, manage this money.  But nobody else is called to be a Dad to these kids except me.  God reminded me of that today through the simple but profound question of a7 year old son to his distracted father.  And I'm really grateful.

Parenting the Video Game Generation

Parenting the Video Game Generation

By Susan Hughes

Children's Pastor

As a parent, I am constantly aware of the TV shows, music, games, teachers, and friends that have an impact on my children. Of course I want the best for them. That may mean sometimes making choices for them – choices to not watch a certain movie or show, choices to encourage a certain friendship or discourage it. But often I am guilty of not leveraging the greatest impact in their lives – myself.

In a conference this week, I learned that the average 5th grade child spends just 40 hours a year at church, but 500 hours a year playing video games! WOW! I was convicted. Even though I am the children’s minister, my kids don’t spend much more time at church than that. And do my kids really spend that much time playing video games? Probably so. So what can I do? If I want faith and God to be an important part of my kids’ lives (and I do), then I am going to have to do more than just bring them to church on Sundays (unless they start making some Christian video games – yeah right). I can beat myself up and wish that I was a better parent, or I can take steps to make an impact on their spiritual development that complements that 1 hour on Sunday.

PCC wants to partner with parents. We want to make it easy for you to have a Godly influence in their lives. That’s why we print "take-home" pages every week:

In the First Steps with Jesus area (birth-K) your child should get a "Small Talk" page every week (or every month if they are in the youngest class). This page is designed for you to review the key concept and gives ideas for spiritual conversations at home.

In the PowerJam area (1-6th grade) your child should get a "Fridge Door" and a "God Time" page. The Fridge Door is designed for you to talk on the way home about the spiritual concepts that were reviewed in their small group at church. If you don’t have time to do it right away, stick it on your fridge and do it over a meal one day during the week. The God Time card encourages kids to spend 5 minutes with God on 4 different days during the week. Older kids can do this on their own and younger kids can do it with a parent.

I can promise you that a mom or dad who talks about the Bible or who prays with his child at night (even if it is not every night) will have a lasting impact in the life of a child! So… you don’t have to be a Bible scholar or think of these spiritual conversations on your own.

We want to help you be the best parent you can be and we want kids to grow spiritually too!
And, I’d love to hear about your conversations!

Upcoming Series

Our next teaching series will focus on families, and so we're wondering:

What are some of your best family memories?

What means the most to you about your family?