The Hardest Kind of Forgiveness

I've been thinking for a while about what happened at PCC two weeks ago. We talked about some of Jesus' last words where he asked God to forgive the people who beat him, rejected him, turned their backs on him, chanted 'Crucify him!".   We learned (or re-learned) that the same forgiveness Jesus offered then, he still offers now.

At the end of the service, we gave folks a chance to write a little note on a card about something in their life or from their past for which they have a hard time accepting God's forgiveness.  It was one of those unusually powerful moments when God was very clearly working to stir something in a lot of people.  I was honestly surprised by how many folks were moved.

Accepting the forgiveness that God offers us through Jesus' sacrifice is difficult for many people.  I suppose the regular reminder that "you can never go too far, commit one too many sins or do something so bad as to put you beyond the reach of God's forgiveness" is something we just need to hear again and again.

But it also occurs to me that there is another kind of forgiveness that's even harder to accept, at least for some folks.  You might think that I'm talking about the ability to forgive an egregious offense against you - like severe abuse or sexual abuse or things that we don't even want to think about.  But I don't even think that is the hardest kind of forgiveness.

The hardest kind of forgiveness is the forgiveness of self.

I have watched many people wrestle for years with the mistakes they've made or the sins they've committed from their past. In many cases, everyone around them has extended forgiveness and grace and love.  They even know and believe that God has forgiven them.  But, often, they are held hostage by what they did.  They become stuck, unable to move forward - save for small, incremental steps - because they just can't forgive themselves for their past.

This is a chronic condition for some, affecting every other area of their lives.  If this is you, allow me to give you some advice.

1) Get some counsel.  I'm a big fan of a good counselor.  Personally, I have seen the benefits of what a skilled counselor can mean.  And I've seen many others experience the same blessing.  A good counselor is often the difference between staying stuck and moving forward.  It's worth the time and money, but you have to have the right one.  More on that in a later post.

2) Consider what you are saying when you refuse to forgive yourself.  Essentially, this is a way of saying, "God, your forgiveness of my past isn't good enough.  Or big enough."  This may sound harsh, and I don't mean it as a reprimand.  Rather, I want folks to consider the full view, the big picture.  For those of us who are followers of Jesus, self forgiveness is linked to how we understand God's forgiveness.

3) Get it out.  For most people I know who struggle with forgiveness of self, they treat their past or their sin like a big secret.  They don't really tell anyone (except possibly their spouse) or talk about it.  Like a bad infection, it festers inside of them, eating them from the inside out.  Part of the remedy for this is often a willingness to talk about it to a few other folks.  Get it out!  Tell your small group or some trusted friends.  I know it will be hard and you'll be nervous, but healing will come.  Hear from them as they extend you grace and watch as they don't change the way they see you.  Why?  Because they can relate!  We're all broken, we all have a past, and yours really is no worse than mine or anyone else's.  You'll start to feel better as you release the burden you've been carrying for a long time.

Whatever you do, realize that if you've been carrying around the burden of unforgiveness of yourself, that burden is unlikely to be lifted unless you change course in some way, which will involve some stretching, discomfort and risk.

But you can do it, it will be worth the effort. And you can finally be free.

A BIG Secret Revealed

I'm going to tell you a BIG secret and how it relates to what Sammy Frame taught us yesterday at PCC...

A couple of years ago, my family was on vacation and we were shopping at some touristy outlet.  There was a store that sold all kinds of 'magic act' stuff.  Trick cards and vanishing handkerchiefs.  It wasn't a cheesy store - this was the real deal!  Some of the things were selling for hundreds of dollars and there were a couple of guys behind the counter showing off their merchandise.  It was very impressive.

So my youngest son, Joshua, uses some birthday money and buys a deck of cards.  Part of every purchase included a private instruction from the 'Master' magician.  So they took Joshua to the end of the table and put up this little partition so you couldn't see their hands, and in a few minutes Joshua went from ordinary kid to Magician Extraordinaire!    

He still has that deck of cards and still brings them out and does his tricks.  Frankly, it is impressive!  And when I ask how he does it, he says, "You know, Dad, a magician never reveals his secrets!"

I think that a lot of people feel that preachers and pastors go to seminary, where they teach us little tricks about understanding the Bible, and before they let us graduate we are sworn to secrecy!  "Don't every let them know our secrets" is the perceived mantra.

Why do I think this?  Well, frequently, I'll teach on some passage from the Bible and people will say to me:  "How in the WORLD did you get ALL THAT from that ONE piece of Scripture?"  They usually follow the question with some statement about how they love the teaching and appreciate how I've made it easy to understand.

Wrapped up behind the words is the sentiment that I have some special gift for understanding the Bible and they do not.

But it's not true!  And the BIG secret was really revealed in the teaching that Sammy Frame gave us at PCC yesterday.  (watch it here)

Are you ready?  Here's the secret:  When most of us 'read the Bible', we read for 10, 15, 20 or even 30 minutes.  Even in 10 minutes, you'd be amazed at how much territory you can cover.  We feel a sense of accomplishment, and say things like, "I read 5 chapters today!"and "I finished reading the book of Luke!"

I'm with you, and part of my routine is to read the Bible for 20 minutes every day.

But 'reading' the Bible in large portions like this (which is important) is NOT the same as meditating on it. When I read a large swath of it, I get the big picture, which is needed.

But when I take the time to reflect on some small part - 1 verse or  a part of a verse or a few words - I start to let it become a part of me.  I chew on it, read between the lines, focus on what's not said, in addition to what is said.  I ask questions - LOTS of questions.  As Sammy put it, I'm letting it marinate in me.

That's how I can take a single verse and get so much from it.  And this same reflective conversation with  the God of the Bible is available to YOU, too!

Want an example?  OK, try this:

What does it mean that "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." (Ps 23:4) Why did David not just say, 'When I'm about to die, I won't be afraid?' Was he simply being poetic?  What's the real picture being painted?  Is this a resolve - something David is talking himself into or trying to convince himself of...or is it a statement of David's actual experience?

The shadow of death...  Shadows in the dark are frightening.  They are elusive and mysterious.  And valley's are, by definition, surrounded by mountains, meaning that there are shadows all around, even when it's not nighttime.  There are ALWAYS shadows around somewhere when you are in a valley.

And then there's the valley.  I've been in life's valley's before.  We all have.  They're no fun.  They're spiritually dark and emotionally wrenching.  In the valley, we can feel alone, desperate, depressed.  Our spirit is dark, like the shadows that lurk around us. We wonder, 'how long will I be here?'and 'Will I ever get out?' I might think about a specific valley I've been in and reflect on the journey - into, during and out of that valley.

And the reason David says he won't be afraid is because God is with him.  What does it mean for God to be with me?  How can I know?  What can He do?  How can God help?  If I was in the valley, would it matter if I wasn't alone?

There are many more questions and thoughts I could add to this one single verse if I spent time reflecting on it.  These are just the ones that quickly come to mind.

This is the secret of how we grow to understand the Bible and, more importantly, the God who is revealed through the Bible.  But you can't get here if you don't spend time reflecting.

For those who are still reading this post, let me give you a current example.  This morning, I was reading in Judges and this grabbed my attention:

"The Lord replied, “When the Egyptians, the Amorites, the Ammonites, the Philistines, the Sidonians, the Amalekites and the Maonites oppressed you and you cried to me for help, did I not save you from their hands?  But you have forsaken me and served other gods, so I will no longer save you. Go and cry out to the gods you have chosen. Let them save you when you are in trouble!”

But the Israelites said to the Lord, “We have sinned. Do with us whatever you think best, but please rescue us now.”  Then they got rid of the foreign gods among them and served the Lord. And he could bear Israel’s misery no longer." (Judges 10:11-16, NIV)

I thought about this text a lot today.  When have I turned my back on God?  God reached his limit with the Israelites and their fickle following.  What is His limit?  Have I gotten close to it?  How can I avoid pushing God's buttons like this?  And what does it mean that God can be so frustrated with people - His people - that he will withdraw his protection from them?!

But mostly, I think about the reality that God could bear their 'misery no longer'.   No matter how far I've gone or how mad or frustrated God gets with me, his love and compassion for me ultimately wins the day.  When I turn back to Him, get 'rid of my foreign gods and serve the Lord', God meets me on my journey home.

And I begin to reflect on the times this has actually happened in my life.

There is a lot that could be said...I could write a sermon about this...but you get the point.  And the point is that you can do this too! And you should!

So...build some time for reflection! Meditate on the words of the Bible.  Take a verse or two and let it become a part of you.  Ask good questions and let God speak to you.  Meditate on who Jesus is and what He means.  Let God change you during your reflection.  

And you will be better because of your time well invested!

The secret is out with you.  Would that it would no longer be a secret for anyone seeking God!

The Generosity Questions

You are the exception!  

By virtue of the fact that you opened this page and are reading these words, you are already in a small minority of people.  Why?  Because most people who read the title of this post and saw the word "generosity" would run the other way.  (see today's message about generosity here)

There are many reasons people don't want to talk about this.

• Guilt - because some know they should be generous, but they aren't.  
• Shame - because some would like to be more generous, but past decisions put their finances in a bind, so they can't.   
• Distrust - some assume that anytime someone uses the word "Generosity" (especially a church!) that it must be code for "we want more of your money."
• Uncertainty about what God will do.  This is a big one.  It was the big one for me when we first began to give generously.  When you start giving a lot of money away (whatever that means to you), it's a huge step of trust in God.  What if I run out?  What if I need it later?  What if...

The story of my life and the lives of countless other people who give generously is this:  You cannot outgive God.  He ALWAYS blessed us far beyond our giving, if we will be faithful and give generously - lavishly.  Here are five reasons I give like that, with a few scriptures you might want to take a look at:

1. Blessing from God & Trust in God.  If we tithe (give 10% to our local church where we call home), God's promise is to bless us in lavish ways.  This does not necessarily mean that God will bless us with more money, though that often does happen.  But regardless of the form it comes, the blessing ALWAYS comes.  Here's the promise: Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. (Mal 3:10, NIV)
2. God entrusts me with resources for HIS purpose, not mine.  Matthew 25:14-30 is a powerful lesson on this, and I encourage you to read it.  The punchline of this potent Jesus teaching is that I am responsible for being faithful with what God entrusts to me to be used on His behalf.  When I'm faithful with little, God will entrust me with more.
3. God expects me to give with a smile, not a frown.  If you're going to be mad about it, God would rather you keep it.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. (2 Cor 9:7, NIV)
4. I am no longer hostage to my money.  It used to control me, now it works for me.  I don't need money, I need something - Someone - lasting!  God will provide my needs, and I'm not relying on something as temporary and uncertain as the dollar anymore!  And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19, NIV)
5. I am responsible.  Another parable in Matthew 25:31-46 makes it clear that I am supposed to care for the needs in front of me.  When I give generously by tithing to my church and giving beyond that to other needs, I am doing my part.

When I'm finished with this life, I want to be able to look back and know that I took care of my family and that I wasn't a burden on society.  Nothing wrong with those goals, and I have them too.  

But I want to also know that I left the place better than I found it, and that I was a faithful servant of Jesus Christ.   You cannot be fully devoted to God and not be a generous giver.  God gave lavishly.  We are to do the same, and in return, we get to have a better, freer life, and know that we made a difference along the way.

Who Are You Cheating?

All of the people who report to me on our staff send me a weekly report which consists of reflective questions about their ministry and other aspects of their life.  Questions like, "What are the most important things you are working on right now?" and "What's something you learned last week?" and "What are you reading?" are all a part of this reflective exercise.  There are some quantitative questions, too.  I respond to each weekly report with written feedback and then we usually have weekly meeting where we can flesh out some of what's going on and things that need input, etc.

One of the most important questions on each report is this one:

Last week, did you cheat your family or did you cheat the church?  Elaborate.

I don't know where we got the question.  Probably borrowed it from some other church somewhere.  But it's an excellent question.

In the ebb and flow of life, nobody hits perfect equilibrium all the time.  There are weeks when the church demands a disproportionate amount of my time and attention.  Then there are weeks when family gets more than their fair share.  The idea is to ensure that - over time - everyone is given appropriate attention.

You see, in churchlife, if you're not careful, you can easily neglect your family all the time.

The question is intended to help see trends.  If someone said that they cheated their family last week, it's ok.  Often we don't even talk about it.  If it happens two weeks in a row, we usually start to talk about adjustments that need to be made.  If it happens three weeks in a row, we start to put the brakes on.

The quickest way to an unhealthy life is to have an unhealthy family.  And if your family is consistently getting the shaft, you're on your way to your family being unhealthy.

I went through a brief season recently when my family got the short end of the stick for 3 or 4 weeks in a row.  So, I took some time.  I took Susan away on a surprise trip to a very fancy hotel in Washington DC and we spent a couple of days and nights touring and eating out and enjoying being away from normal life.  We also blew more money than we'd usually spend, but it was an investment worth making.

This week, my youngest son, Joshua, had three basketball games - his last three.  These games were during the day and they were a little hard to make.  But having missed a good bit of games in recent weeks, I decided that I would be there for these no matter what it cost or what I had to do.  So, I went.  And this week, I cheated the church.

As a Senior Pastor, one of the things I feel very strongly about is ensuring (to whatever ability I have) that our staff members have healthy family lives and that they don't sacrifice so much at church that it causes resentment and hurt at home.

I have to live that, too.  I'm a Dad and a Husband before I am a Pastor and Leader.

How about you...who'd you cheat last week?

A plea for you

This series is called Unleash.  Believe it or not, God himself - who thought you up and created you in every detail before you were born - wants you to have a life that reaches that full potential, unleashing all that He created you to be.

Think for a minute about your physical body.  If your liver is healthy, and so is your heart and lungs, but your joints are falling apart, you will have some limitations, won't you?  It doesn’t mean you can’t do anything.  It just means that there are some things you aren’t able to do that you’d like to be able to do.

Well, what we’re doing in this series is a survey of some large topics of areas that affect all of us.  Relationships, time, money, generosity, your spiritual life, and more.

But here's the thing:  It’s not a menu from which you should pick some themes and decline others.  If you say, “I think I’ll choose 3 of them and go for unleashing my potential there, but forget about that other one.  No way I’m doing that!” If you do that, life might be ok, but you’ll never reach your full potential.  It'll be like having healthy lungs, heart and liver, but bad joints!  From God’s perspective, your life might be good, but it will never be great.

So, here's my plea:  Don't give up on this series!  It's unusual for us to have a 6 week series at PCC.  I knew attention spans would wane and the risk was pretty good that the energy would fade a bit.  But I decided to take the risk.  Every week of this series is important.  We're putting all we have into it, and the coming Sundays have some incredible things in store for you!  (Including this week - the creative elements and the teaching will leave you saying "I'm really glad I came to church today!")

Let's UNLEASH all that God has for our lives and get every ounce of our brief days here!

See you Sunday!

Lord, I Have Time

One of my favorite devotional books is a book of prayers written by Michael Quoist.  I'm not normally a big fan of reading someone else's prayers, but this guy seems to be able to really speak my language - very authentic, natural speaking.  He doesn't write in a pious, King James English, high church, talk-down-to-me kind of prayer.  This is real person speak.  It's from the heart.  It's where we live.

So, on February 3, we ended the service at all of our campuses with a monologue that was a dramatic rendition of one of Michael Quoist's prayers called, "Lord, I Have Time", which goes like this:


Lord, I Have Time
by Michael Quoist

I went out, Lord.
Men were coming and going,
Walking and running.

Everything was rushing: cars, trucks, the street, the whole town.
Men were rushing not to waste time.
They were rushing after time,

To catch up with time,
To gain time.

Goodbye, Sir, excuse me, I haven’t time.
I’ll come back, I can’t wait, I haven’t time.

I must end this letter - I haven’t time.
I’d love to help you, but I haven’t timae.
I can’t accept, having no time.
I can’t think, I can’t read, I’m swamped, I haven’t time.
I’d like to pray, but I haven’t time.

You understand, Lord, they simply haven’t the time.
The child is playing, he hasn’t time right now...Later on...
The schoolboy has his homework to do, he hasn’t time...Later on...

The student has his courses, and so much work...Later on...
The young man is at his sports, he hasn’t time...Later on...
The young married man has his new house; he has to fix it up.
He hasn’t time...Later on...
The grandparents have their grandchildren. They haven’t time...Later on...

They are ill, they have their treatments, they haven’t time...Later on...
They are dying, they have no...

Too late!...They have no more time!

And so all men run after time, Lord.

They pass through life running - hurried, jostled, overburdened, frantic, and they never get
there. They haven’t time.

In spit of all their efforts they’re still short of time,
Of a great deal of time.
Lord, you must have made a mistake in your calculations.
There is a big mistake somewhere.

The hours are too short,
The days are too short,
Our lives are too short.

You who are beyond time, Lord, you smile to see us fighting it.
And you know what you are doing.

You make no mistakes in your distribution of time to men.
You give each one time to do what you want him to do.
But we must not lose time!
waste time,
kill time,

For time is a gift that you give us,
But a perishable gift,
A gift that does not keep.

Lord, I have time,

I have plenty of time,
All the time that you give me,
The years of my life,
The days of my years,
The hours of my days,

They are all mine.
Mine to fill, quietly, calmly,
But to fill completely, up to the brim,
To offer them to you, that of their insipid water!
You may make a rich wine such as you made once in Cana of Galilee.

I am not asking you tonight, Lord, for time to do this and then that,
But your grace to do conscientiously, in the time that you give me, what you want me to do.

The Day The Wheels Came Off

I probably should have expected this to happen.  Just when I started talking about some of these topics, the wheels came off.  First, a little background might help...

In this Unleash series we're doing at PCC, I'm talking about some really cool topics that are very practical - relationships, time, money and more.  How can you unleash the full potential of what you have in your life?  God gave us the wisdom and the tools we need in the timeless truths of the Bible.  

So, on February 3, I talked about Unleashing your Time. "Each of us is given the exact same amount of time," I said.  "From the President to the billionaire to you and me.  Nobody has any more than anyone else.  You can't buy it, rent it or borrow it. 10,080 minutes each week.  Each one ripe with opportunity.  Each of them ready to be redeemed.  The question is:  Are you redeeming your time?  Maximizing your time?" 

Using Ephesians 5:15-17, we talked about setting a life mission or purpose, then priorities, then schedules - in that order.  

It all sounded so nice, so defined, so...orderly.  And, honestly, it normally runs pretty well.  I live a busy life, but I think that's ok.  My life is prioritized based on my life mission, and my time is allocated based on my priorities, just like I taught, and I generally redeem my time, make the most of the opportunities given to me, just like Paul tells us to in Ephesians 5.

But the day I taught on it, the wheels came off!  One crises after another hit, rapid fire.  Any one or two of them would have been easily absorbed, since I build some crisis expectation into my calendar, but there was just too much in the unexpected category to handle.  Not all of it was bad stuff, but all of it was unplanned stuff.  And it just threw everything in my schedule into complete chaos!  

Of course, this happens from time to time, but what made it so ironic was that I just taught about how to manage time in an effective, God-honoring way where you could control your own schedule!!!

By Wednesday of last week, I found myself taking a deep breath and just laughing out loud.  God and I had a good chuckle about it all. It's the way life is, isn't it?  

So, I'm now coming back to my own teaching - something I've done many, many times.  Making corrections, evaluating priorities to ensure alignment with my mission and purpose, then looking at the allocation of my time.  Divesting some things, saying no to some stuff so I can say yes to some other stuff.  

It really works...most of the time!