I had a great conversation with Susan a couple of nights ago. It went like this: I said, "On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being paradise and 1 meaning that you have an appointment with a lawyer, how would you rank our marriage?"
She said 7.5
I said 8
Now, I figure that Susan is like an English teacher - there is always room for improvement, so nobody ever gets a 100% on a paper. So, my real upper limit in this scenario isn't a 10, but a 9. Still, a 7.5 isn't that great. I mean, if my kids always brought home 75's on their school work, I'd get them some help. It's not failing, but it's not an A either.
But the number isn't what matters. What matters is the next question: "What would it take for us to move from a 7.5 to an 8.5, in your mind? What would that look like?" She told me a few things that I would need to do. Frankly, they were no brainers. Piece of cake. I'll be a B+ or an A- in no time.
You want to know why our marriage is only a 7.5 or an 8? Because the last time I asked that question was over a year ago. We haven't evaluated where we are in over a year. Of course things start slipping. You expect what you inspect. Everyone needs a checkup...me included.
So, tonight (or whenever you do this day), ask your spouse for an hour of their time and ask them that question: on a scale from 1-10, where do you think our marriage is? Don't get mad or push back on what they say. Their perception is important. Then ask, "what would it take to move that up a point or so?" You get a turn at this, too, so let the conversation go both ways.
Now, when you pray together, pray that God would give you the insight that you need to be all that your spouse needs you to be. Pray that you would set aside your own preferences in order to serve your husband/wife to the best of your ability. Pray that you would be sensitive to and aware of what's going on with them.
If you are single, let me suggest that you reflect on your relationship with God. On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate it? What would it take to get closer to 10 by a point or 2? Pray and commit to do those things and ask God to give you the courage to follow through. You might invite a friend to hold you accountable to those things.
Brian, After 23 years of being married and going through a divorce that I didn't want I realized that if I was ever going to get the chance to re-marry I had somethings I had to work out and work on. Most importantly was my marriage to Christ. The 23 years I spent ex-wife failed because I never put Christ and my spouse in their proper positions.
ReplyDeleteWhen I met my wife who I have now been married to almost 9 years I was prepared to do the work, whatever it took to make Christ 1st and to put my wife as my #1 piroity. When I asked the Lord to show me how He gave me a picture of a brand new clay flowerpot. He siad I am filling this pot with my soil and I am planting this bulb which has the potiential to be the most beautiful flower you have ever seen. Here is the catch....you are incharge of it's care. If you water it, keep the soil fertile and fresh, keep the bugs and the weeds out of the pot and cherish this flower as the one I have planted for you....you will know the Joy that I can bring you!
If the bugs and the weeds of this world take over the plant will wither and shrivel up.
I'm happy to tell you that as we have quiet time every morning together, and as we pray together every night God who is always faithful has kept His promise to me. The cool thing is He has kept His promise to my wife as well.
We have walked through many valleys together...none more difficult than the one we are in right now....but we are doing it together and the Joy of the Lord is our strength!
If you want your marriage to work...then you have to work it!!!