Response to last Sunday

It's been a pretty amazing week, hearing from people who have some kind of addiction responding to last week's topic.  Several folks have taken a pretty bold step.  As I said last Sunday, "in order to get clean, you have to come clean."  I talked about coming clean with yourself...admitting you are an addict.  Coming clean with your family.  Not that they don't already know (your addiction is not a secret, even if you think it is).  Coming clean with God.  Coming clean with some close friends who can love you, support you, and hold you accountable.

As I responded to one person, I spent some time thinking about the last part - the part about friends.  Why is it so important to come clean with friends?  Well, we tend to be a little too emotionally involved with our spouse.  If they try to hold us accountable to not drinking or not getting high, we tend to feel like they are nagging...it makes us mad...we argue and fight.  People in our immediate family are always going to do some accountability with us (try leaving your socks on the floor or not cleaning up your dishes and see what happens).  But, generally speaking, they make poor accountability partners.

You can't get strangers to do it.

Acquaintances aren't good either, because we don't tend to tell people who are not real friends our deepest darkest secrets.

Real friends are where it's at, in terms of accountability.  There is just the right balance there between closeness and distance.  They know enough about you to understand when to speak and when to listen, yet they don't have the baggage with our habits that our family has.

I’m not suggesting that there is some magic in telling other people, but that your closest friends are best positioned to make you better than you are. Were it not for my closest friends and my decision to confide in them, I think that, by now, I would have wrecked my marriage, ruined my ministry, and destroyed my life.  I'm not kidding.  

Your close friends are supposed to be people that God placed in your life to make you better than you are (and vice versa, by the way).   Once you confide in them that you have a problem, they are equipped to do their part…and give you the support help that you’ve always needed. I think this is critical. 

Note to all you friends:  If someone confides in you and comes clean, don't drop the ball.  Ask them for permission to help; ask them what kinds of questions you have permission to ask and how often.  And then do it.  You are the instrument God has placed in your friend's life.  Take a chance, stretch, and watch God work through you.

One last note:  If you don't have good friends that really care about you, we can help you find them.