Faithfulness in Marriage: What "Never Threatening to Leave" Means

Last Sunday (May 25), we were talking about healthy marriages. In the message, I made a link between God's command to Adam and Eve to 'be fruitful' and the 'fruit of the spirit' from Galatians 5:22. The fruit of the spirit, the author of Galatians tells us, is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. When God told the first husband and wife to be fruitful, I suggested that He wasn't just talking about having kids. Rather, God was talking about how a husband and wife should relate to each other: namely, that they should bear the spiritual fruit that we see spelled out in Galatians.

I went through each one of the components of fruit and briefly talked about what it meant. When I got to faithfulness, I said that husbands and wives should "never threaten to leave". As I was driving later that day, I had a sense of conviction that I had not been very clear.

I know that there are many people in our church who are divorced, separated, or in a marriage that is not their first. The point of my statement was really intended for couples who use the threat of leaving as a weapon to win conflicts, manipulate their spouse and get their way. While this may seem effective, it actually is counter-productive. "Threatening to leave" only breeds a lack of faithfulness. It only creates insecurity. It only promotes division.

In some situations, a person does need to leave. Continued abuse or unfaithfulness are two of the most obvious situations, but there are others.

Further, whatever is in your past, you can only change your future - you cannot go back. So, God offers an infinite amount of grace and forgiveness to anyone who would turn their life over to Him.

Thanks for letting me clarify. I hope this helps.

Brian